u/Ok_Potato_5272

First I just want to say thank you to whoever wrote the wiki on this page. I've just been reading it and the section about thawing was extremely helpful and perfectly described where I am right now. I've been doing EMDR with IFS for many years and it's been an extremely slow process, until recently. Things shifted and I've experienced alot of release, but it has exceeded my window of tolerance in many ways, and my anxiety has been enormous. I can already see my attitude towards anxiety shifting, but when it's at its peak, my brain screams for it to go away and stop. I'm trying to stay with the process and not fight the anxiety.

Anyway, my question is, how do I integrate TRE into my release? I know that the stage I'm at now, I need somatic healing, as I've done so much healing of memories and mental thoughts. I don't think there are any TRE therapists in my area as I don't live in a city. I'm happy with my therapist and she can guide me through most things, but I'd like to start doing TRE myself at home to aid healing.

I did an experimental first session yesterday just to see if I could get my body to shake because I was worried it wouldn't work on me. I managed to do it but didn't feel any emotional connection at the time. I have read and understand the need for pacing. I'm excited to get started but I don't want to do too much. However I'm already highly activated and processing, so I feel like TRE will either aid my processing or push me into overwhelm.

Does anyone have experience doing TRE whilst in active thawing from EMDR? this might be a niche situation but hopefully someone can relate.

If not, thanks again for the wiki, it's really the most helpful thing I've read in a long time

I've been in trauma therapy EMDR and IFS for a long time. It's been slow because of dissociation and autism (slower processing). I had a breakthrough recently and something has shifted which has allowed me to feel safe enough to do somatic release. I can cope with crying and releasing in that way, but I'm really struggling with physical anxiety. I can feel that it's old anxiety trapped in my body and needs release. When I cry, I feel better, but then afterwards the anxiety returns. My heart was racing in bed all night last night.

I'm going to do a TRE exercise video today but I wonder if anyone has tips for releasing anxiety specifically? I'm managing to stay with the anxiety and not try to fight it, but it's a constant effort and I have moments of overwhelm. I'm considering going on pregabalin to help me cope but I don't know if that will be bad for my progress. If I numb it, then it'll never be released?

Honestly my mind is a mess at the moment. I'm struggling to think straight. Normally I'm really organised and in control but recently I've let things slide. Maybe this is me healing from perfectionism? Idk

I've been doing a lot trauma therapy, mostly focusing on my CPTSD, but one thing that has come up recently is the trauma of self suppression and masking as a child.

I used to be two different people: at home, extremely loud, often screaming for fun, messy, hyperactive, playful. In school, completely silent. I was too scared to talk in class ever, and I only spoke quietly to a select few people. One time I was asked to model something in class, and I stood so still that I nearly fainted.

I've come to understand the mechanism that allowed me to mask so heavily in school, and it's all based around anxiety. I would maladaptive day dream, coming up with the most horrible, scary thoughts. These thoughts would keep my energy inwards. My heart would be racing, I'd have tight muscles, but to anyone looking at me, I'd look like a good, quiet kid.

This behaviour has followed me my whole life and escalated to OCD type thoughts. I get stuck in loops and my thoughts get out of control. I get extremely anxious. I no longer know how to express myself outwardly. I don't have that physical expression anymore because it was suppressed for so many years. I also struggle with dissociation.

Now I feel like all that energy is trapped in my body and I need to let it out. First I need to feel safe to let it out. I'm not in school anymore, I don't have to sit still and be quiet. I'm not masking anymore.

I'm trying to find myself again and release all of this anxiety and energy. But it's so hard because it can feel like a tidal wave that is going to take over me and ill be unable to tolerate it. I'm already struggling so much with my anxiety at the moment and it feels like anymore will break me.

Does anyone relate to any of this? Have you healed from the trauma of masking?