I don't feel worthy of the trans community because of my past
Before my egg cracked, I dated a trans girl. I wasn't comfortable with her parts at first, even declining to touch them when she first asked me. It was my first long term relationship, and I'd impulsively gotten into it despite knowing she had those parts, all because I was desperate to have a girlfriend. Eventually I became comfortable with touching them, but I still wasn't ATTRACTED to them yet like I was to vaginas. I even told her I wouldn't wanna stay with her if she decided not to get bottom surgery. She was already planning on getting it, but regardless, that was a very cruel thing to have put her through. My justification at the time was that I was being honest with her about my feelings.
To be clear, it was purely a case of feeling sexually unfulfilled, which doesn't excuse it, but my point is that I didn't see her as any less of a woman for having those parts, and I never wanted her to feel like she was, but no amount of reassurance I gave her could change that those were my feelings, and it was cruel of me to be with her while feeling that way (she was the one to break up with me for obvious reasons). Eventually I did become attracted to her parts, even getting excited to touch them, but the damage had already been done.
Now I'm trans myself, and I feel unworthy of the support from the community considering how I treated her.
She tells me she's forgiven me and that I was a great partner to her (we're still friends) but I can't help feeling like she's only saying that to make me feel better. And even if she does mean it, I still feel like I don't deserve that forgiveness.