Am I asking for too much?
My husband is a PGY1 surgical specialty and we have a 2 y/o. As a quick backstory, we have had a rocky couple of years with my postpartum being a nightmare. Husband left the day after birth to go to an optional conference. Was gone for a few months for rotations freshly postpartum. I have so much resentment and I will be the first to admit my postpartum rage was in full force.
We are at the point where I am so unhappy and I am someone who brings it up, I don’t just let it be. He gets defensive and tells me I’m just too negative and he’s too overwhelmed. Nothing changes when I bring things up so it ends up being me nagging and essentially begging for what I feel is the bare minimum. My question I guess is what do you feel is reasonable to request from your partner, and more specifically during residency. There are days when he doesn’t talk to me (not even a text back) until he’s on his way home, doesn’t update me if he’s going to be late, makes no effort to connect throughout the day. I don’t remember the last time we went on a date. He rarely touches me when he is home and when he’s home he’s either playing with our daughter or (mostly) on his phone. He snaps at me a lot, and me back at him (It’s something I hate about myself and I’m working on it). He honestly does absolutely nothing to help me feel loved or thought of. As far as household and familial responsibilities he’s told me to not count on him for anything for the next 5 years.
I feel like it is insane for him to tell me that, to have to beg for him to connect with me throughout the day and keep me updated, etc. Are my standards too high for someone in residency? Do I really need to suck it up and deal, or does my partner just suck? What do your spouses do?