Can't able to move on...A periya Rant
Can’t get over my "Best Friend" who I ghosted because of my feelings. Need advice.
We talked for a few months and those times were really good; I’ve never talked so much with anyone before. I truly enjoyed that time. But enna matter na... we spoke on Insta. She was my schoolmate, but at that time, nanga pesunathu illa.
Later, we went to different colleges. Now we are about to complete college. We spoke for about 6 months and even exchanged the "best friends" term. She was really there for me when I was upset or down. But she still, sometimes, acts like just a friend.
Eventually, I developed feelings for her, but she didn't make any moves. She has high standards and, at the time, I still didn’t have a job. She often mentioned she’s going to get married to a relative, but she also said, "If I love someone, I will fight for him." I never told her how I felt.
She says she has a crush at her college and always talks about a mutual friend of mine. That mutual friend proposed to her, and she cleverly declined by asking if it was a prank—rejecting him without losing the friendship. But that guy is an alppa kebal... Kevalam Valivan... Pathaley gandu agum. Yet, she keeps talking about him. Because of all this, I can't be myself. I’m always thinking about her and can't focus on my studies. She also mentioned she has many male friends.
I started wondering: Am I just one among them? Am I not special? I thought I was her best friend.
So, I planned to stop talking to her. I told her I had an issue at home and said bye. She texted me twice asking how things were, but I just said I was "somewhat okay" and ended the chat shortly. Eventually, we stopped talking altogether.
What surprises me is that she never asked why I stopped talking. If I were in her place, I would have definitely asked because we called each other "best friends," and I really meant it. Since then, I feel like I was the only one who truly meant it.
I thought I could live peacefully without her, but we stopped talking on Dec 1st and haven't spoken since. I’m in my final semester, always at home, and I’m a big overthinker. I can't get over her. Her memory keeps hitting me. She is the only girl who cared for me when I was down. I can't even focus on my studies, athuvathu naa innum job vangala.
I feel like if I get a good job, I’ll stop thinking about her because my mind will be occupied. But the memories of our happy chats keep hitting me. Ennaku oru doubt uhh... I’m struggling to forget her; I wonder if she feels the same? She is a medico and goes to college daily. I feel like if I were going to college daily, it would be easier to forget her too.
Final point: I accept it's all my fault. I’m an introvert and I’ve never spoken to anyone like this. As an overthinker, I wonder: Will I ever find that kind of friendship again? If I do, will it be like it was with her?
I feel like going back and talking to her, but what if the spark is gone? What if she accepts me if I confess everything, or should I just focus on my interviews and get a job? Being at home is making it harder. It’s only been a month since college ended, but romba kadupaa Iruku. I lost her, and it was my fault. I wish I could have handled things better.
What are your thoughts on this? Please be honest
Event spitting facts on the face is also okay.
TL;DR:
I’m an introvert and an overthinker who became best friends with a girl from school over Instagram. I eventually caught feelings, but it was painful because she constantly talked about other guys and her "high standards." Since I don't have a job yet and felt like just "one of many" male friends, I ghosted her in December by making an excuse about "family issues."
Now, I’m stuck at home in my final semester , unable to focus on my studies or job prep because I can’t stop thinking about her. She hasn't chased after me to ask why I stopped talking, which makes me feel like the friendship meant more to me than to her. I'm torn between confessing my feelings to get closure or just staying silent and focusing on getting a job to occupy my mind.