u/Ohhoneyimhome

Is this a boundary violation? They said no. Is what I did forcing my sibling to reassure me? I’m just so worried that they will overhear me and it will traumatize them, so I wanted to ask if they heard me and my mom talking.

I just asked ‘hey did you hear me and mom on the phone?’ Since my sibling thinks I’m avoiding them. Which I am, but I’ve managed to pass it off as general anxiety.

One time my mom told me something about how my sibling thinks I’m avoiding them, so I made my mom go ask them why they think I was being anxious. Because I don’t want them to know about my OCD, and if they do I want to make sure they’re supported.

I don’t want anything bad to happen to my sibling and I want them to not think or know about any of my problems.

I’m planning on moving out soon, I’m too afraid of hurting anyone. Is this like a parent with OCD forcing their kid to listen to their problems to make them feel better? My parents used to come to me asking ‘am I a bad parent?’ All the time, And it put a burden on me. I don’t want to do that. Have I already done that?

Today I was worried I was secretly racist and antisemitic, yesterday I was worried I was a criminal, the day before that I was worried about secretly being in love with a family member and not consciously knowing about it— for two weeks I was so worried about germs I used it multiple times a day to make sure the germs wouldn’t get me. I would stop because I know using ai, especially to that extent is bad. But I panic and I cry if I don’t know something. It gets so bad, if I don’t have an answer to my very specific situation, I just lay in bed and think about it for hours and hours and don’t go outside of my room for days.

I used to use ai for fun until someone told me that warmer countries were literally going to run out of water last month, so I stopped using it for anything I didn’t feel like I would die without.

Except for one night where I was preparing to either take my own life or run away off the grid and decided that it wouldn’t be that harmful if it was my last carbon footprint, or at least my last carbon footprint for a long time.

I spent that night mostly watching tv or doing whatever I found fun, and then decided to ask funny questions/ ask for jokes for like 40 minutes (I set a timer so that if the whole thing about one prompt= 9 seconds of TV is true, I’d just have to figure out how much TV that would equal and not watch TV for however long that would be whenever I want to watch TV)

You could imagine my surprise when I ended up being told that I was expected to go to an appointment in the morning. So I had to call my death/ running away off. Which made me feel pretty stupid, especially since I had already packed my stuff and eaten my last meal. So I’ve decided that if I plan on ending it again, I already took my last recreational carbon footprint. Also I fell asleep instead of staying up like I planned that night, so I did make up for the 9x40 thing by atleast twice the amount.

Anyways, I would really like to know what I should do about this problem because I’m very guilty and want to be better. Or if I deserve to be guilty and should continue feeling guilty. Or if guilt even serves a purpose if it just renews this cycle over and over again.