AITA for how im responding?
AITA: This is my first time ever posting. But as someone who chooses not to advertise issues with family (they know the basics) i need some input. Personally I dont feel like im in the wrong especially being his reaction gives me great joy. 🤣 here is the back story and its a long one.
I (44f) met the man child (49m) I am married to 20 years ago. We have been married 15 years. I had 2 daughters when we met aged 4 and 2. Due to circumstances he moved in with me fast. We now have a son who is 19 and my daughters are 24 and 22. Three years after we got married his drinking got out of hand and he turned physical. I kicked him out and we lived separate for several years but still did stuff together as a family as long as he wasn't drinking.
He would have our son every other week. It got to the point my sone no longer wanted to go to his father's as he would drink and have his friends there constantly. Things got bad again and I ended up having him arrested and a full stay away order issued for me and the kids.
The pandemic hit which made court stop so it was all at a stand still. Surprisingly he got sober. And after two years of him being sober we talked and he moved back in with me. I made it clear to him if he started drinking again I was done. He turns into a completely different person when he drinks. Within a year of him moving back in I settled with workers comp and purchased our property. Stupidly I believed in his sobriety and added his name to the property.
Well long story short he started coming home smelling of alcohol. Id ask and he would lie to my face so I again reminded him I would not deal with him drinking. Within 2 weeks he couldn't lie about it anymore. 6 years of sobriety gone. So I told him I was done.
His drinking got bad fast after that and he tried to set my couch on fire and said he would burn the house down with me and the kids in it. I had him arrested again and removed. I made it clear to him I was done and we needed to figure out the divorce without fighting preferably. Due to his tools etc being in my garage I lowered the order to non harassment so his coworkers didn't have to keep coming to get his tools.
SIDE NOTE I am 100% disabled due to my neck, nerve damage, shoulder, lower spine, right hip and right knee. I havent been able to work since 2010. When I settled my case I no longer had income coming in. When the drinking started so did the digs and names calling, running me down etc. He got sober again and the friend he was staying with was headed to jail so he had nowhere to go. After 3 months of him wearing me down I agreed he could put his camper on the property temporarily.
He started saying he wanted to move back in and make it work. I kept saying no. While he was trying to make me take him back I found out he was messaging other woman and trying to sleep with them. The drinking started again and he turned to trying to guilt trip me into sleeping with him and being with him by using the finances against me and saying im his wife and he should be allowed to have sex whenever he wants it and me saying no is why hes looking elsewhere. So I stand my ground and tell him I no longer even have desire for affection and intimacy as he has ruined it for me. His response was i must be with someone else then.
(Also found out he was using coke) he has gone off the rails accusing me. And seriously thinking he hears me and my "boyfriend " ( who doesn't exist) having giggity at night. (He sits on my porch listening) and that my boyfriend hides whenever he comes in the house. Its so much more in depth of crazy but thats the gist of it. He has actually called the cops on me and my " boyfriend " saying we were in his camper under his bed getting it on...... ( the bed that goes to the floor and you cant get under)
he keeps saying the judge will not make him leave the land as I have no income (working on getting disability) and he won't pay me alimony. I was just continuing to say no one is here you need help etc. Finally I said we will let the judge decide and go with what the court says. This set him off and he started saying im threatening to take his home from him etc and still uses finances against me.
If I say I won't sleep with him he says he won't keep paying the bills like we agreed to while he was on the land. His new thing is calling me names and running me down in messages all the time. When that wasn't getting the reaction he wanted he started using my name and nickname trying to irritate me. Again that didn't have the desired affect but I was sick of it.
So the reason for my post. Due to just being done. I have started using his name on him. Now side note he is a junior and hates that fact. So I started with just his name which set him off and made him double down on running me down etc. So I started adding the junior and oh boy does he go off the rails when I do. Accuses me of calling him names the whole nine yard. So fellow readers am I the AH for purposefully using his name just to piss him off? Meanwhile i am working on the divorce with the help of a local advocate center as he is abusive and i have no income.