Eldest Daughter of an Immigrant Family
hello everyone, i’m never really on reddit but i have no where else to vent.
i am the eldest daughter of immigrant parents. i, 21F, have been really struggling for the past couple of months, but i honestly realized i’ve been struggling my whole life. my parents immigrated here, and i have had to be the translator, third parent, maid, secretary, you name it; simply parentified. i am currently a now an upcoming senior in college, i graduate december 2026. i stayed in state for school, and go to college about 2 hours from home. i love my university, but my parents still feel the need to be watching over me all the time, and don’t grasp the idea that i am an adult. for example, i just started dating my boyfriend about a month ago, and he also comes from a hispanic family, but they are so much more lenient on him, and understand he is becoming an adult, he’s 20. on the other hand, i recieved so many scholarships that i get paid to go to school, and my parents haven’t had to pay a single dime for university. they help me with my rent, and advise me to save my money for the future. they don’t pay for groceries or gas anymore since i have a part time job at uni, so it’s simply that financial part. they don’t even pay for my healthcare. yet, when i have tried to go spend time with my boyfriend in his home town, which is 3 hours away, they said they would not allow me to. that it’s “too soon”. but when is it too late? i feel so much guilt, but im starting to grow some resentment. i don’t want to grow that, since i love my parents and they have done a lot for me.
now, im getting ready to enter my last semester of undergrad, graduating with the highest honors (all A’s), i have a good job, i am an overachiever, hyper independent, don’t party, carry myself well, and its like they don’t care. no congrats, nothing. i feel helpless. i’m in my hometown for this final summer, and i need to get it in their heads that im an adult. but to them, 21 is not an adult. i don’t know what to do, or how to create a plan for me to be okay, especially going into my master’s program in a place that’s 4-5 hours away (i want to be close to my boyfriend). does anyone have advice?