u/OPSaidpodcast

Hi ladies

Love your pod so much and look forward to every Monday for that good laugh😅

Apologies if this is too long, I just want you guys to have the full context. This is the first time ever I’m doing something like this.

Please I need help because I feel like I just went through a relationship that existed for 5 business days but still managed to stress me out??? (This happened about a month and a half ago—I’ve been going back and forth about whether to send this in***)***

So I’m a 23 year old female and I started talking to this guy and I’m not even gonna lie, I liked him BAD. Like from early on I was already thinking, “yeah… I’d actually be his girlfriend.” The conversations were good, I felt comfortable, and I opened up quicker than I normally do — which should’ve been my first red flag because I don’t do that. And when I say I opened up, I don’t mean trauma dumping or anything like that — he was just easy to talk to, which in hindsight? I mistook for emotional depth.

Now here’s where things start to wobble.

We had our FIRST falling out about 2 weeks in, right? And this man’s response was to completely shut down. Like silent. Distant. Vibes gone. No communication. Nothing.

And I’m there like ????

So I had to literally DRAG communication out of him. I’m talking:

- asking what’s wrong

- trying to clarify

- reassuring him

- practically begging this man to just TALK to me

Eventually we “resolved” it, but now that I think about it… I was still wary of the guy because why did I have to pull basic communication out of you like that???

Mind you, during this “resolution” I had already clocked that this man is deeply insecure and would need constant reassurance — which I was already getting BORED of — but I was like, “I really like him, we’ll be okay.”

Anyway, at the time I convinced myself:

“okay maybe he just struggles with communication, but at least we worked through it”

So I HESITANTLY continued. Like I liked him, but there was already a small voice in my head like “hmm… I don’t know about this one…”

Fast forward 2 and a half weeks later — disaster.

I post my male friend on my Insta story and WhatsApp status for his birthday. This is a friend I’ve had since PRIMARY SCHOOL and he is VERY gay😭 like please be serious. And this is where things take a turn, he replies to my story saying,” You must really like this guy👀” and I respond with,” He’s my friend, of course I like him😅”- because why would I keep someone in my circle if I didn’t like them???

This man sees that and instead of communicating like a normal person, he:

- goes quiet

- ignores me

- starts moving weird

So when I finally confront him, he hits me with:

“You knew exactly what you were doing”

HUH???

Sir??? Doing WHAT???

Now I’m irritated because not only are you wrong, but you’re also REFUSING to communicate properly AGAIN.

Instead of saying “hey, that made me uncomfortable,” he jumps to conclusions, shuts down, and then somehow makes it my fault???

Anyway, it escalates and he basically ends things saying he “can’t be in a relationship like that”

LIKE WHAT RELATIONSHIP??? 😭😭 A relationship where you communicate or one where you sulk and assume???

He then hits me with the classic “I don’t like to argue” and I’m just there like… sir??? At your BIG age of 26??? You have the emotional maturity of a rock, you lack communication skills, and you wouldn’t know accountability if it walked up to you and introduced itself, and shook your hand✋ PLEASE- of course I don’t say that to him because I don’t want to waste any more energy on him, but I definitely think it.

And the timing??? Don’t even get me started.

All of this happened while I was dealing with back-to-back funerals in my community, I’m talking Saturday and Sunday. I was running on barely any sleep, emotionally exhausted, up and down helping out — if you’re African, you know exactly what I mean — and instead of support, this man is stressing me over a gay friend???

Be serious.

I didn’t even tell him that my friend is gay because honestly??? That’s neither here nor there!!!

So yeah, I blocked him. I’m done.

And another thing that made me block him so fast was, I thought to myself, what kind of assumptions does this man have of me? Like for him to have a reaction that severe he must think that I’m some type of hoe or something because excuse me??

Also, the friend I posted, he’s a good looking guy, but he was just as skinny if not skinnier than this guy. He was still gonna have palpitations because I played rugby in uni so of course I have some friends from the guys team that I go out with every once in a while, and they’re thick and very good looking, so I guess he saved himself more heartache if he was so fragile😂.

BUT NOW… here’s where I’m conflicted.

I realised I trusted him WAY too quickly. Emotionally and physically. I slept with him about a month in, which is very unlike me. In my previous relationship, I waited months.

So now I’m like… girl???

You were begging this man to communicate and still gave him access like that???

I don’t necessarily regret it, but I do feel like I moved faster than what actually aligns with me, especially considering how things turned out.

So now I’m thinking, imma Marie this, swear of men and just focus on myself and getting to know me better.

But now I’m questioning myself like:

Am I genuinely growing and setting better boundaries or am I just overcorrecting because I’m annoyed at how this ended??? 😭

Also, small side note, I downloaded Tinder after all this (don’t judge me 😭), saw the dating pool, got humbled IMMEDIATELY, and deleted it within 48 hours. So clearly, I’m not built for that life either.

Please help me. Am I doing the most or am I finally standing on business???

Love you girls 😭🫶🏽

Hey ladies 💫

First of all, I love your podcast — I’m fully invested at this point, like emotionally committed, not just casually listening 😄

I’m writing from Bogotá, Colombia, and I need a little reality check.

So… am I the asshole for feeling upset that my husband has been changing a lot lately?

When we first met, we had such a vibe. We’d go out, have drinks (not messy, just fun), try new restaurants, and enjoy life. Then we even got into running together — very wholesome, very “we have our lives together” energy.

Fast forward to the last six months: he’s been diagnosed with anxiety and some related health issues, so understandably, he’s had to make lifestyle changes. He stopped running, changed his diet, and overall shifted how he lives day to day.

And listen — I do get it. People grow, priorities change, life happens. I’m not expecting him to stay frozen in time like a museum exhibit of “Boyfriend 2018.”

But… it’s starting to feel like he’s becoming a completely different person. Not just evolving — pivoting. Like suddenly these changes aren’t temporary adjustments, but his whole new identity.

On top of that, we were always on the same page about not being religious. We agreed to keep our home pretty secular. I don’t practice anything, and that worked for both of us. Now he’s leaning more into spirituality, and while I respect that, it’s also… new territory for us.

And here’s the part that makes me feel guilty: I’ve caught myself thinking that if he had been this versionof himself when we met, I probably wouldn’t have chosen him.

Oof. I know.

At the same time, I’m not exactly the same person I was 7–8 years ago either. So who am I to complain, right?

But what’s really getting to me is that the things that are fading — the going out, the shared activities, the common ground — were our things. The glue. And now I’m worried that as those disappear, so does part of how we connect.

Right now it’s just a small, occasional feeling. A little voice in the back of my head. But I’m honestly concerned that if I ignore it, it might grow into something bigger — like affecting how much I love him or how connected I feel in the long run.

So… am I the asshole for feeling this way? Or is this just one of those uncomfortable “relationships evolve and you have to figure it out” moments?

Help 😅

Hi ladies,

I always watch your show on TikTok and it’s absolutely lovely, so I decided to bring my dilemma to you. Just so you know—I love you guys.

I (24F) was dating a (26M). It all started when he came to work at our house. I’m a quiet person and don’t usually talk much, but that particular day we spoke and somehow a “connection” was formed.

A few days later, he told me he wanted us to be together. I was in a dilemma about it, but after some thought, I accepted because I felt lonely at the time.

Fast forward to when we started dating—or so I thought—it was going well until I realised he liked very explicit conversations (imagine my surprise). I decided to play along at first because I’d never experienced that before. Then he started asking for “sweet videos.” I was confused and asked what kind, and he would brush it off and say I should forget it. Eventually, I realised he meant nudes.

I told him I wasn’t comfortable showing my body like that. But he started saying things like, “Other guys have seen your body, but you won’t show me?” I was honestly shocked. He would send long messages trying to justify it.

Did I mention our first date? The original plan changed because I was “late,” so we just hung around his area. We didn’t even go anywhere proper, and he didn’t give me transport fare to get home. At the time, I wasn’t working but had some savings.

As time went on, we started arguing almost every night mostly because I wasn’t sending him these “videos.” According to him, sending nudes was how couples “bond.” I tried to ignore it, but eventually, I gave in and sent videos three different times just to see if it would improve the relationship. Honestly, I just felt ashamed of myself.

He would call me names too. At one point, he called me a hypocrite because I told him to stop watching porn I just don’t like it—but he said I was pretending. That really hurt me.

I also opened up to him about being molested as a child by a family friend. I never told my family. Recently, I had to message that person for something related to my brother’s wedding—nothing serious, just a few messages. When I told my boyfriend, he got upset and said I must have enjoyed what happened to me since I was still talking to that person. That broke me.

Then things got worse.

He started having issues at work due to a false accusation. Before that, he would occasionally ask me for money and pay it back. But once his issues started, he kept asking and stopped refunding me, always saying he’d pay me back when he got paid.

At first, I didn’t mind. I thought I was helping my boyfriend. But it kept happening. Then one day, he asked for a large amount urgently. I felt sorry for him because he was going through a lot and wasn’t on good terms with his family, so I lent him the money—even though I knew I needed it for an upcoming trip.

After that, the begging didn’t stop. Looking back now, I realise I was being used.

We were talking normally again when he brought up the “bonding” issue—complaining that I wasn’t sending videos anymore and that I didn’t care about the relationship. The truth is, I stopped because it made me feel horrible, and I thought we were actually improving without it.

I tried to make excuses, but he didn’t believe me. I finally told him I couldn’t send any videos for now, and he made it a huge issue. I replied, and he ignored me—just reacted with a thumbs up, which he knows I hate.

The next day, he acted normal, and so did I. This went on for about a week until he exploded again, repeating everything. I was tired, so I just apologised and even pretended I was under pressure from work. I just wanted peace.

Then he said something that shocked me. He told me that now my flaws had been exposed, I was crying, and that I would cry even more soon. He said he couldn’t be with a woman who cries when her flaws are pointed out.

At that point, I realised he wasn’t even listening. He claimed that ever since I started giving him money, our “bonding” reduced, and accused me of changing.

Eventually, he blocked me—on everything. He said I was manipulative, that I wasn’t defending myself, and that it was a red flag. He also said he would send back all the money he owes me since he has my account details… and then blocked me everywhere.

Honestly, since then, I’ve felt free. I didn’t realise how much of my time and energy he was draining. Even my sister used to complain that I was always distracted.

But now, I just want my money back.

I’m scared that if I confront him too harshly, he won’t pay me. But if I approach him softly, he might take advantage of that too.

I haven’t told my sister because she will be extremely angry—she might even go after him—and she’ll definitely be disappointed in me. That’s the part I’m most scared of.

So please, what do I do?

Right now, I just want my money back and nothing else to do with him.

Hello ladies,

I’ve been following many stories on TikTok, and every time I listen, the comments are always so honest. I realized that I, too, need someone to tell me the hard truth about my own relationship. I’ve lived in denial for so long, and now I’m left stranded and broke with three kids.

I’m 34 (F). I met Paul (40 M) in November 2021. He was attentive, caring, loving — all the good traits you’d want in a partner — except his finances were in the trenches. In December, I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t planned, but when I told him, he was very happy. That’s when we started living together.

At the time, he wasn’t working. I let him move in with me, and we began life as a family. I believed I could handle taking care of us while he searched for a job. I already had a 3-year-old daughter, and they got along very well. She was happy to have a father figure.

He handled the house chores while I went to work. I didn’t earn much, but I could cover the basic needs, although I barely saved anything. Unfortunately, my pregnancy didn’t go well, and I miscarried at four months.

By then, I realized he had become very comfortable staying home and wasn’t doing much about his job situation. Whenever I brought it up, he’d say he was “working on it.” I kept telling him I was tired of carrying all the financial responsibility.

He had met most of my family and friends, and they loved him — especially because of how he treated my daughter and me. I lied and told them he worked online and was financially supporting us. I didn’t want them to look down on him.

By the end of 2022, I got pregnant again. I wasn’t happy about it because of our financial situation, but I carried the pregnancy to full term and gave birth to my baby boy in July 2023.

By then, I was disgusted by his unemployment, and it was taking a serious toll on our relationship. I stopped giving him money and pressured him to get a job — any job. I just needed him to contribute something. But he stayed home Monday to Monday, doing nothing, while I worked hard to provide for us. I told myself I was doing it for the kids.

The stress was overwhelming, but I couldn’t talk to anyone because of the lies I had told. Everyone believed God had blessed me with a perfect relationship. They admired what they thought we had, not knowing I was depressed and couldn’t sleep at night. I was ashamed of the truth, so I let them believe the lie.

In February 2024, I found out I was pregnant again. I have never supported abortion, so that wasn’t an option for me. I kept the pregnancy even though the relationship was falling apart.

Then he stole the little money I had saved for emergencies. He also used our three months’ rent money. I only found out when the landlord came to evict us after four months of unpaid rent.

After the landlord left, I told him to pack and leave. I had reached my breaking point.

He went straight to my parents and told them his version of the story, mixing in lies. He claimed I was breaking up with him because he now had no money — as if everything had been fine when he “had money.” I couldn’t defend myself because of the lie I had told about him providing for us.

My parents told me to forgive him and said it was convenient for me to be a single mother of three. But I stood by my decision, and he left.

After that, he caused a scene at my workplace, and I lost my job. My parents said they couldn’t support me since it was my decision to be a single mother of three.

I gave birth to my baby boy on October 19. I went into labor without having bought anything for him because I had no money. I used some of his brother’s old things. Most of them I had already given away because I didn’t expect to have another baby so soon.

My son came home with no proper clothes — just wrapped in sheets.

He’s seven weeks old now and underweight because my breast milk supply is low. I’m stressed, I can barely eat, and I can’t afford formula. The landlord said we had to leave right after Christmas, and I honestly had nowhere to go. I hadn’t healed properly because I had no help and had to do everything myself. My body constantly aches because I barely rest.

I feel depressed. I have constant headaches. Everyone believes I let a good man go, so they think I don’t deserve help. I’m looking for a job but haven’t had any luck.

My 7-year-old daughter sometimes tells me to rest while she takes care of her brothers. It breaks my heart that she has to see all this and grow up so fast.

Did I make the wrong decision by letting him go?

⸻

Update

We vacated the house about a month ago and traveled to the village to stay with my grandparents — the children’s great-grandparents. I received help there and was finally able to heal physically. My grandma truly did her best to take care of us.

It wasn’t easy for the kids to adjust at first, but they are doing much better now.

The school year starts in two weeks, but I can’t afford their fees yet, so they won’t be returning to school for now.

I came back to town a few days ago and rented a small room for me and the baby. I need to continue job hunting, and there was no internet access in the village, so I couldn’t stay longer.

The older two children stayed behind in the village. I miss them already, but I simply can’t afford to keep them with me right now.

I plan to learn a skill while continuing to search for a job.

Writing this makes me feel a little better. I hope things improve soon — especially for the sake of my children.

The baby is doing much better now and has gained some weight this past month. Grandma did a great job.

We come from the same caste in our culture, so our relationship was somewhat arranged by people we both know. He is a lovely guy, but he has some very problematic racial views. He doesn’t like me watching anything that includes Black people—which is crazy, considering his family used to live in Mauritius and Kenya before emigrating to the UK. I still haven’t seen Black Panther or Beloved to this day. Yet somehow, he loves Hip Hop and Drill.

I’m not proud of this, but I became close with a PT from the gym we both used to attend, and the relationship turned sexual. He is Black, and my fiancé has no idea—mainly because he hasn’t been to the gym in over a year, which has also affected our intimate life.

Last week, I got into an argument with my boyfriend. He said there is racism in The Traitors, and I disagreed, saying there isn’t and that Black people sometimes use the “race card.” He got angry and told me he would expose me to my fiancé—specifically how much I’m attracted to Black men who look like Anthony Joshua. I had to beg him not to come to my house and reveal everything.

But then something happened that pushed me to write this.

The PT told me he finds it ironic that both my fiancé and I hold racist views, because he had received DMs and Snapchats from my fiancé offering him £1,000 to “worship” his muscles, slap him, and attend something called a “DL plugging event” in London.

He showed me the messages. I know the finsta account is my fiancé’s because he used that same account to send me memes about George Floyd back in 2020.

In those messages, my fiancé admitted he has an addiction to Black men and goes to “DL” clubs specifically looking for them, often paying for sex. He even said he was robbed while trying to pay two men for intimacy after Wireless Festival last year.

The story he told me—and our families—was completely different. He claimed he was robbed while withdrawing cash from a machine and even used a racial slur to describe the “robbers.”

He also told the PT that he enjoys bullying the Black men who work for him because they have “unfair social advantages” and “get all the girls.” This is especially disturbing considering he’s a regional manager at his workplace and now wants to start managing rappers on the side.

I genuinely cannot believe this is happening.

He even tried to convince the PT to sleep with him by offering to pay for his protein if he let him touch him, and he sent a video of himself on all fours, wearing my shapewear, twerking. I must have been in the house when he recorded it, which makes me feel even more betrayed.

He didn’t realise the PT recorded the snap using another phone.

At this point, I’m ready to leave him. But I’m terrified of what happens if the PT exposes our affair. My family cannot find out—our community is very small and religious. Our parents are close friends, and our wedding is this year.

Please help.

Hello!

I love your podcast—definitely one of the best Reddit podcasts I’ve listened to, and I’ve heard quite a few haha. I know this is a bit different from your usual stories, but I just wanted to submit something short and happy.

I (19F) am in an amazing relationship with my boyfriend (19M). I can’t believe I’m even writing this, but I love this man so much, and I truly plan to marry him someday. We’re high school sweethearts and just celebrated our two-year anniversary, but we were friends for years before I finally confessed my feelings.

I know I’m young, and you’ll probably have something to say about that—but I just wanted to be a little sappy about him for a moment.

We’re currently long-distance while we’re both away at university. We chose different schools based on what was best for our individual futures and careers, rather than choosing based on each other. This is our second year of long distance, and while it’s hard, I would do as many years as it takes if it means I get to spend the rest of my life with him.

I get to see him again in a few weeks, and I’m literally counting down the hours until I can give him the biggest hug ever—he gives the best hugs.

Sorry for the sappy post, but I just wanted to share a little bit of anonymous happiness and young love among all the crazy stories.

Love you guys!

Hi ladies,

I really hope this gets read because I feel like I’m at a point in my life where I don’t know what the right decision is anymore.

I’m 27, and my boyfriend is 29. We started dating in August 2023, and from the beginning this wasn’t supposed to be a casual relationship. We both agreed we were dating to marry, so in my head this has always been something serious. This is also my second serious relationship, so I didn’t enter it just to play.

The thing is, my boyfriend is actually a very caring person emotionally. He checks on me all the time, worries when I’m sick, makes sure I’ve eaten—things like that. He’s very traditional in the way he thinks and always says he wants to be the provider and that his woman shouldn’t have to suffer. From early in the relationship, he kept telling me he was working towards stability, getting his own place, and moving us forward towards marriage.

But now it’s almost three years later, and I don’t see the progress he promised, and it’s starting to worry me.

He has a job, but the pay isn’t much, and he also has family responsibilities, so most of the time he’s struggling financially. I work too, but my job doesn’t pay well and the commute drains me. I still live with my parents in a very tight, uncomfortable space, and one of the biggest things he promised me was that he would help me move out so we could start building our life step by step.

Last year, I got very frustrated, and I won’t lie—this is where things started getting messy. Another man showed interest in me and hinted that he could help me get my own place. At that time, I was desperate to leave home, so I listened. Not because I wanted another relationship, but because I needed help. Later, I told my boyfriend about it because I didn’t want secrets between us, but that situation really hurt him. Since then, he feels like he can’t fully trust me anymore. He told me he believed I was the kind of woman whose head cannot be turned, and now he worries that if I ever get desperate again and another man comes along, the same thing will happen.

After that, my boyfriend promised he would handle everything himself. One day, he showed me money in his account and said something like, “See, I told you I would get the money—why were you doubting me?” so I believed him. Around that time, some of our friends also knew I was trying to move out because my situation at home was getting bad. Months later, one of those friends told me he was actually the one who sent my boyfriend that money to help me.

That’s when I got confused, because the money my boyfriend showed me wasn’t something he had earned himself like I thought. When I later asked how much we had saved, the amount hadn’t changed. That’s when I started feeling like maybe I don’t really know what progress he’s making, and I’ve just been holding on to promises.

Another issue is that our relationship doesn’t even feel like a normal relationship sometimes. We live far apart, he stays with family who don’t allow visitors, and most of the time we don’t have money to go out or spend real time together. Sometimes when I don’t have money, he sends me something small—even when I know he doesn’t really have it. Instead of feeling secure, it makes me feel worried because it shows both of us are still struggling.

The truth is, I still love him, and I know he loves me deeply, but lately I feel tired. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if my life would be easier with someone who is already stable, and the guilt from even thinking like that worries me.

Now I feel stuck.

I’m scared of leaving and later seeing him become everything he promised.

But I’m also scared of staying, wasting more years, and reaching my 30s still waiting for things to change.

So I really want honest opinions.

When the love is real but the stability is not there, what do you do?

Do you stay and keep believing in the person, or do you leave before you waste your time?

Is love enough without stability?

Thank you

Hey Ladies! I love the podcast — I always listen to your episodes on my way home from work, and it honestly makes my day so much more interesting.

So, AITA for not visiting my dad anymore? This might be a long one, but I really need you to understand why I feel so confused about my decision.

A bit of backstory: I’m 21 (female) and moved back to the UK in 2022 to live with my dad and his family. My parents were never married, so I grew up living with my grandparents and then with my mom. I wouldn’t say I had a close relationship with my dad — I only saw him once or twice a year when I was younger.

When I moved in with him, it wasn’t easy. His parenting style is very different from how I was raised, and also different from how he parents my half-sister. He always wanted to be around me and spend time with me, which I did appreciate, but it was a bit overwhelming. At 18, I really needed my space and didn’t want someone constantly checking up on me.

Fast forward to last year: I decided to move out for my apprenticeship in London because I just couldn’t live with him, my stepmom, and my sister anymore. We weren’t getting along, and I really needed my own space. Within a month, I had moved out.

I’d say I’m quite frugal (not extreme, but I definitely like to save). I managed to buy my first car at 20 without financing it, and I’m really proud of that.

Here’s where the problem starts. When I first moved out, I told my dad I would try my best to visit him twice a month. But as work got busier, and with paying bills plus doing freelance work, it slowly became once a month instead.

My boyfriend and I are also planning to buy a house in my home country for our retirement. The plan is to either rent it long-term or short-term since there’s a lot of tourism there, and family or close friends could help manage it. My dad knows I’m a big saver.

With the cost of living going up and fuel becoming more expensive, it’s getting harder to travel. My dad lives 50 miles away from me. I texted him and said:

“Hey Dad, I love seeing you, but I’m honestly tired of always being the one doing the travel. Can we agree to meet halfway somewhere next time?”

He replied: “No thanks. When you left, you said you would visit every week, then every two weeks. Now it’s more like once a month.”

I said: “Yes, and now it’s becoming really tiring and expensive to travel all the way there. Most of the time when I arrive, you’re still in bed. I’m trying to save money.”

He replied: “No worries, save money.”

For more context, my dad has ADHD, so it’s hard for him to get up and stay focused on things. He also doesn’t currently have a job, although he is job hunting. I do feel bad saying I can’t see him as much as I’d like to, but at the same time, I’m honestly okay not having a super close relationship with him.

I’ve decided to stop visiting for now because I did try to compromise. I explained everything to my boyfriend (who understands the history), and he said I shouldn’t keep making compromises if my dad won’t even meet me halfway. And I agree with that.

Another issue is that whenever I do visit him, he’s usually still in bed, the flat is messy, and he hasn’t even showered. I usually arrive around 11am every Friday.

The only thing I haven’t stopped doing is calling him every morning before work to make sure he’s up and has a plan for the day. It actually helps him stay productive, and I’m not sure whether I should stop doing that too.

So… AITA for not visiting my dad anymore?

Am I the asshole for making my so-called best friend feel left out when we hang out?

I recently found out that something had been going on between my best friend and my now ex-boyfriend behind my back. At the end of last semester, I went home early for the Christmas holidays while my friend (let’s call her Maggie) stayed at school. My ex (Caleb) was also still there.

The three of us were friends, and we sometimes drank together. While I was away, they decided to drink together because Caleb said he didn’t have anyone else to drink with. I trusted both of them, so I didn’t think much of it. I wasn’t completely comfortable with it when Caleb mentioned it to me, but I brushed it off.

In January, they went back to school earlier than I did and drank together again at Caleb’s place.

One night when we were playing truth or dare, I told Maggie that I would cut her off if she knew something about my relationship that I didn’t. I said that because I suspected Caleb might have told her things while they were drunk—since they tend to confide in each other.

At the end of January, the three of us drank together along with another friend (let’s call her Becky). That night, Becky and I both blacked out, while Caleb and Maggie were still awake.

To cut the story short, Caleb touched Maggie inappropriately to see if she was aroused—while I was asleep in the same bed.

Days later, Maggie confided in Becky about what had happened, saying Caleb had been the one initiating things. Becky convinced her that I deserved to know the truth.

Eventually, during a sleepover, Maggie finally told me what had been going on. She said that the first time she drank with Caleb, he told her she was attractive and complained that he was sexually frustrated in our relationship. Then he touched her to check if she was aroused and even said he liked that she reacted more than I did. Apparently, something similar happened again at the beginning of January.

What hurt the most is that Maggie and I hung out almost every day throughout January, and she never mentioned any of this.

After telling me, she said she regretted saying anything because she didn’t want to “burst my happy relationship bubble” or be the reason I broke up with Caleb.

For context, this wasn’t even the first time Caleb had cheated on me. Earlier in our relationship, he cheated with his best friend, but he told me about it afterward and said he was remorseful. I believed him and gave him another chance. Maggie knew all about that.

So when this happened again(and with my best friend) it was too much.

I confronted Caleb and told him he disgusted me for doing something like that while I was asleep in the same bed. His response shocked me even more. He asked if I was upset because they didn’t include me in whatever they were doing.

Both of them claimed they never had sex, but I don’t know if I believe that.

When Maggie first told me the story, she insisted that I shouldn’t confront Caleb because he had asked her not to tell me. She said she didn’t want to break his trust. That really shocked me—because it made me wonder where her loyalty actually was.

She was supposed to be my best friend.

At one point she even said that what he was doing was “kind of turning her on.” I couldn’t keep everything inside anymore, so I confronted Caleb anyway.

That’s when he admitted that he had actually fingered her twice—a detail Maggie had conveniently left out.

When I asked Maggie if there was anything else she hadn’t told me, she looked me in the eye and said there wasn’t. When I told her that Caleb had already admitted to fingering her, she was completely shocked.

Why leave that part out? How am I supposed to trust her after that?

Since then, I’ve been avoiding her. Even though we were living in the same house, I couldn’t even make eye contact with her. I felt like my heart had been broken twice….by the two most important people in my life.

I eventually moved out, though some of my things are still there.

Now when the three of us hang out (Maggie, Becky, and me), I naturally give most of my attention to Becky. Maggie recently complained that she feels like the third wheel now because Becky and I are closer and she feels left out.

So now I’m wondering…

Am I the asshole for distancing myself from her after everything that happened?