Transformation Obsession
I would say my worst symptom of this disorder is Magical Thinking for various reasons. One particularly specific, odd reason is that it makes me unsure who I am exactly and how I feel about things, which has culminated in this fear of “becoming someone else”. For example, I frequently fear that one day I will suddenly lose all of my interests and take on interests that currently bore me, or I will look at someone do something I don’t like, think about how they do like doing that thing, and then fear becoming them and suddenly liking that thing. It actually makes me quite like the eccentric traits of this disorder since it makes me feel currently “unlike” anyone else, and comorbid Schizoid traits help keep distance from others which I fear becoming. Perhaps the most common form of this is that I fear suddenly changing beliefs and, say, becoming a Nazi or something else monstrous - psychotic symptoms have caused lasting and unpleasant changes in my beliefs so this isn’t without precedent which is why it is so particularly scary. Anyways, I decided to look into what this is called and it turns out it is actually a well-documented phenomenon in OCD termed the “Transformation Obsession”. From descriptions of it, it seems very Schizotypal-like in that it can involve depersonalisation, derealisation, odd perceptual experiences, and a cooccurrence with odd beliefs, but I wasn’t able to find any mentions of the phenomenon in individuals with Schizotypal Disorder. So, does anyone else have this experience? If so, what’s your story, if you’d like to share of course?