Anyone else have the realization that you’ve been having sex when you don’t want to?
The title probably sounds so dumb. I had a realization awhile ago that for most of my life I’ve been having sex when I didn’t want to, but I chose to because of whatever reason it would give me the outcome that was best for me at the time.
Don’t want a cranky husband? Better have sex with him when he wants.
Don’t want your boyfriend to cheat on you? The least you could do is have sex with him when he wants.
Want affection? Better not turn him down for sex.
Want commitment? You should probably have sex when he wants.
All of the above is the subconscious calculations I was doing without really putting together that I didn’t want to have sex, but it was like the path of least resistance for me.
Does this resonate with anyone else?
This year I’ve really been trying to honor myself by not using sex when I don’t want to. And I don’t really ever want to! I think mostly because my husband is self centered and sometimes kind of gross hygiene wise (there is food stuck in his toothbrush daily and always dead skin and wax visible in his ears… he always “forgets” to wash his ears in the shower) but also he says gross things about sex and when I’m disgusted he acts like it was a joke and I’m a huge buzzkill. He gets pouty about sex and kind of passive aggressive about it.
He said to me a while ago after it had been two weeks without sex “do you even like penetration anymore?” And like wtf if he phrasing sex like that for. If he just phrases things gross IMO.
He also not talks about himself and is selfish with the kids and stuff. Like he’s definitely not the worst husband but all of this stuff is still such a huge turnoff.
Anyways, I’ve had sex with him a few times recently when I didn’t want to. Just to get him off my back/maintain the status quo. I fake an orgasm to get him to finish faster. I wish I could tell him this without it making my life 10x harder but it would, so I won’t. Because talking to him won’t change anything because we’ve already had this convo a million times.
I think having sex when I don’t actually want to is like, bad for my mental and physical health. Can anyone relate? It’s like I have to disassociate a little bit to get through it.
Yesterday he asked for sex at least 5 times. I held strong and said no because I just didn’t want to, and the more he pushed the less I wanted to. And then even later when I was off having my night to myself (the first in YEARS) he asked me for nudes several times. Like, what?
Idk ugh. Looking for solidarity or something I guess.