Stream of consciousness because these thoughts are eating at my soul lmao. My mind is trying so hard to convince me to leave my partner. Like I know that I love them and that our relationship is safe and stable, but this growing unease is killing me. I just don't understand myself. They are the best thing that ever happened to me and I thought their love would save me from myself, but it's like all those feelings have been deeply locked away somewhere unreachable. It's as if a switch suddenly flipped for no clear reason. All I want to have is superficial dumb fun: party, drink, anything exciting - all to get my heart pumping and make me feel...something. And all this while I should be focused on uni and actually achieving something. Hahaha. I feel such deep emptiness and boredom inside, I've already decided on my 'way out'. My future doesn't even feel like something tangible, it's like my brain already decided 'nah, not happening, why not fuck everything up.' Y'all, this disease is actually gonna kill me one day. Tell me why I attended therapy all my teenage life only to end up as a miserable wretch who can't access any feeling except a deep sense of unhappiness and general discomfort with life. Does this ever go away? I used to be so expressive, sensitive and emotional, but now I'm just a sarcastic wall of a person. Figuratively and literally, because all of my muscles are as tense as a fucking stone brick. The only reason why I haven't ended it yet is because I saw my mother cry a few days ago and I don't want to make her cry again so soon. I just wish I could find meaning in life that isn't dependent on another person or drugs. Ok vent over, I'll probably forget I ever even wrote this or felt this way in a few days. :3
u/Normal-Panic-6660
As a promiscuous girl this feels like a fking death sentence.
tmi ahead!!! also TW I don’t want anybody to feel bad reading this bc it could come across as judgy? I promise it’s just my own insecurities and how I feel towards myself, so warning for that if it triggers you! I totally understand🫶❤️
Sorry for the TMI and lack of euphemisms (lol) but I LOVE pleasuring others, however I never fucking feel comfortable enough to let somebody reciprocate bc my fking butt is so damn hairy. That’s literally the only reason why I’m still a virgin. And I hate it. No girl I know has this issue and it’s making me feel like i don’t even belong to this gender. The cheeks too like why😭😭 My mom’s hairless, I have more of a mustache than my brother and my father’s spotless too. I had a physician look at me once there and I was actually trembling and crying bc I felt so disgusting Like I hate it so much.
Please, I’m honestly so desperate. How do I get rid of it?? I literally broke up with an ex bc I refused to stay over or go on a trip w him and his parents bc I knew I couldn’t maintain or shave daily. And I honestly don’t even know HOW to deal w my butt. I shaved it once and that shit was painful growing back. 😭😭 I feel so limited as a person bc I can’t fully express myself the way I want to. I’m only 20, so laser is too expensive rn ): But ig if its the only option I’ll save up for it. Does anyone here, have any succes taking e.g. spirolactone or waxing? Or any weird tips even? I want it gone, so no trimming etc. I am meeting my ldr this year and I’d love to just not worry about my hair there for once. I don’t want this to ruin another relationship.
edit: thank you so much for all the kind responses! y’all have made me feel so welcomed and understood. 🩷