Should I just have a lavender marriage?
Everyone under twenty five is getting married in my assembly
And everyone to someone in said assembly or one close by
It's kinda sad to see because it all feels so rushed, even in my old assembly people didn't get married so young so fast
Last year there was a lot of drama because a couple divorced without adultery and so the sister was dissfellowshiped
Another one that just got engaged is a sister just one year older than me(19)and someone I'm close to. it's very obvious that their relationship won't last and that they're mainly together because they grew up together and the feeling of shared circumstances is the closets to love they ever felt but they'll be stuck together because none of them will cheat.
I spent all my life seeing/ hearing of jws marriages go horribly wrong
And yet my mother is starting to get more and more pushy about me getting married or at least courting someone
I think she's scared because my sister left the organization (never officially) because she lives with a man without being married, she thinks that if my sister would just get married she'll be allowed to be treated as someone inactive and not dissfellowshiped
I think she's scared of the same thing happening to me and think that at least if I'm married I'll have someone to "strengthen my faith" or at least just be the link to me and spirituality
I don't know what to do, my friends (worldly) suggested jokingly that I just find another gay PIMO irl and propose a lavender marriage and it's honestly starting to feel like the only option
I could also say some bullshit that I want to preserve myself for god but I know this would backfired and my dad'll send me to bethel or smth (he already tried to fill the application for me)
I planned to not act on my wants to live until I was settled down away from my parents and could think clearly but now this feels like it'll never happens unless I get married or show my parents I have some kind of spiritual project and it makes me a little sick
Should I just pretend to like some guy, court for a while and find whatever reason to not go through with it? This sounds like too much work and makes me feel gross to imagine
Maybe I sound a bit mental but all this discussion about marriage is low-key messing with my head and making me go crazy
Sorry for the rant