I'm considering diy cutting my own 3a hair pretty short compared to its current length and if anyone can tell me what a hairstyle like these might be called so I can try to find a tutorial, that'd be very useful!
For the most part, my cis partner of almost 8 years has been supportive and has done his best to accommodate me and my transition ever since I came out to him as a trans man 3-4 years ago. For a couple years before that, I identified as nonbinary which he also was more or less very good with, minus the occasional mistake especially towards the beginning when he was adjusting. I was also not out to anyone else for fear of my safety (bad home situation) so I understood how having to use the wrong pronouns for me with other ppl affected that. I only started the coming out process with his family earlier this year in January. I'd have started sooner but I wanted to wait til I started T and I still fear for my safety if ppl know, even after moving out of my parent's house.
But moments like these just make me stop and remember that he's still cis and won't ever really understand how much shit like this hurts.
I was showing him TikToks I had favorited on my phone and we were looking at one that said "80% of organ donors are women and 80% of organ recipients are men" and he stopped and was thinking for a minute before he said "does that mean you guys have fatal head injuries more often" or something like that.
"You guys" as in, lumping me in with women. He immediately could tell that hurt me and tried to say he meant females as if that really helps.
So that immediately ruined my mood because I'm constantly reminded of all my flaws every single day, from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I have really been trying to take it easy on myself and stop expecting perfection but I do not pass whatsoever, his fucking mom misgenders me every single time she speaks to/about me, and I'm so sick of being constantly reminded of being born wrong and not being able to do shit about it. I can't afford surgery, I have long hair because I'm fucking ugly and have a round face, and I feel like I'm never gonna be fucking free as myself. His family had a gathering today which I did not go to, one of the reasons being that I didn't want to get misgendered again because it upsets me so badly. But he comes home and says that to me and I guess I didn't even need to go to the gathering to be reminded that when people look at me, they'll always see an ugly, angry woman first before they ever see a man.
Now he's all huffy as if he has any reason to be mad at me when he was the one who hurt me lol, and I'm just so tired of trying to make him understand how shit like this makes me feel as if I have any obligation to. I don't really know what to say to him rn, I just feel so empty and sick of my life. I'm sick of being stuck in this hell. Sometimes I'd rather give up than fight with myself and other people for the rest of my life. I'm only 23 and it feels like it's over for me.
I guess I could just use some advice. I can't work and hardly leave the house, am borderline agoraphobic, depressed as fuck, having panic attacks all the time now, and could really use a friend.
I want to add that he did apologize, but yk, what he said was already said at that point so...
The spots that look white aren't actually white, it's just shiny
Currently at my partner's mom's house, we go every other week to do laundry and I came out to her a few months ago. Just earlier I was feeling so glad that I came out, because it makes me feel more at ease to be around people who know.
Well my partner brought up something involving me to her while I was sitting right there and when she replied, I got she-her'd. Instantly my fucking stomach just drops and I feel like shit. Partner corrects her and she just laughs and says "sorry!" like it's no biggie. Oopsie! 😆
Well I have to go to the bathroom to cry because ever since I came out, it hurts a million times more to get misgendered. This isn't the first time she's done it, she's done it both intentionally and unintentionally. And I'm fucking tired of having to suppress the pain of it.
I'm TIRED of being told to be understanding. I am TIRED of being told "she's trying" and to be patient.
I KNOW!!! I'M FUCKING TRYING TOO! AND IT STILL HURTS! I KNOW I don't look like a boy!! I still feel like garbage when it happens! I can't just laugh it off and move on!!!! I want to scream and cry and throw shit and fucking die!!! And I dont expect my fucking partner to even understand the beginning of my anger and pain because he's cis and never had to fight for his fucking identity and have it constantly shat on.
So I'm sitting here, feeling like fucking shit, my mood is just completely ruined and I just wanna go home. I hate my reality.
I dont give a fuck if it wasn't intentional. I'm sick of being a good fucking sport. I have every fucking right to be angry, even if someone is still adjusting, and MY PAIN IS VALID.