New coworker gave me a new perspective on BDP
I have posted in this subreddit before and I have long been a lurker on here as I have delt with three people with bpd, each leaving me deeply traumatized. It has taken me years to come back to myself, learn proper boundaries and learn to spot the signs of splitting and if I am a fp.
From my years of toxic friendships with people with bpd I like to think I have gotten very good at sensing who may have the disorder and choosing to stay far away for my own boundaries. At work, a new woman started and during her orientation I got an immediate sense that this is someone with bpd. I of course wasn't going to socially isolate her, nor share this assumption with coworkers. If she does have the disorder, I understand it is not her fault and it is not my place to investigate or make her feel anything negative.
We shared a lunch break and I wanted to get to know her and help her feel welcomed since I did feel bad for my initial internal judgement. It didn't take long until the subject of mental health was brought up and... I was right. She indeed suffers from bpd. She shared with me her experience destroying her life multiple times and she explained how many people with bpd end up repeating patterns of destruction.
It was very vulnerable of her and I shared my experience with being the target of a scorned bpd suffer once I set a boundary or they split on me. And she explained why I may attract these people often. She explained people with bpd will often target kind, open and sensitive people and when they split they will target the most present aspect of someone to destroy. Like a impulse they cannot help it. She explained her own experience doing this to several people. And then explained that once she destroyed her life beyond repair and had nothing left, she finally sought help and took accountability. I was proud of her for it, and while I am paraphrasing her she did explain many people suffering from the disorder do not want to get better, many will keep repeating the cycles of abuse and destruction until there is nothing left.
It was a good conversation and felt like closure for the pain the other unhealed sufferers caused me. I do my best to make sure this coworker feels included and if we take lunch breaks together I am happy to chat but I maintain strong boundaries. No personal information being shared, she cannot have my phone number, no hanging out outside of work, essentially we are coworkers nothing else. She understands these boundaries and is very respectful. She seems very healed and is of course not responsible for the actions of others, but I still have a ways to go in feeling comfortable around people with bpd. People like her give me hope that you can turn a new leaf.