u/New_fun_80

Howdy,

It's been a min. There were so many things I wanted to say, convey, try and get you to understand. In the end, I realized you were not ever going to change. 😢

Yes, we were both already in a losing battle because of past relationships that f***ked us over that shaped our perspectives and how we guardedly approach any inkling of a possible relationship. And our approach is toxic, hurtful, and harmful.

Did I want to fall in love again after living my most abusive nightmarish relationship I had ever been in, right before I met you? No. I knew I was extremely damaged. You insisted I stay with ground rules of that of a relationship (no sleeping around with anyone else, and you were coaxing me into giving up my new outlet of acquaintances that let me relive and express my feelings). I didn't want that. As you are a kind guy, your compassion and empathy were virtually nil. I kept telling you I am not healed. I was restarting my life from rock-bottom. I needed to concentrate on myself to get my wheels going so that I can have some semblance of normalcy again. I stayed with you at first because you said you were going to help me and you wanted company. And every time I asked for your physical, emotional, or compassionate support, I was met with hesitation, diversion, or denial. That hurt my heart, because it let me know you didn't put my rebirth, my well-being, of any priority. It's sarcastically hilarious, that I am always the stupid open-hearted one in the relationships which accidentally seem to fall into. I know now, it's my own pain of Major Depression from many cases of abandoned, self-loathing, that causes me to fall super fast. I just want to love and fully be loved the same. I couldn't super spoil you with monetary gifts (I could see that you had a hard lean on superficial tangible things, that in your eyes was solid proof of love) when I realized this I felt embarrassed, inadequate, and shameful. Instead, I could only provide acts of service, compliments of admiration, acceptance, desire, and small tokens of my appreciation, just to let you know I see that small efforts and appreciate you. I once even gave you my only dollar i had found while walking to the convenience store. I used my learned origami and made it a button up shirt for you. You didn't know it was my last and only dollar, I didn't want to say, because it was a symbol of my love and sacrifice for you.... I'm starting to get emotional. I'm going to stop my message here for now. I will write to you more later when my heart is up to it.

Message you later, Have an awesome day and be careful. #1

Your latest embarrassing failed relationship.