AITA for considering ending a 3-year long distance relationship because my girlfriend keeps promising to move but never does?
I'm 26F and have been with my girlfriend (28F) since 2022. We met on a dating app while living in a very homophobic country, which made things complicated from the start. On our first date, I was upfront about my plan to move abroad so I could marry and live openly with the person I love. She was opposed to it, and even joked "well, then bye!" because she'd had a bad experience with long distance before. Still, we kept seeing each other and grew closer.
In 2023, I got the opportunity to move abroad. I asked if she'd join me. She said she loved me and saw it as a chance to build a future together, and promised to try to relocate within a few months. She's a chef with international cuisine experience, so we both thought it would take her max a year. Before I left, I helped revise her CV, built her a portfolio, and drafted a motivation letter to make her job search easier.
After a year and a half, she still hadn't found anything. I grew suspicious she wasn't actually applying. On a visit back home, I checked her email and found no rejection emails, nothing. When I confronted her, she said she used a different email and asked me to trust her. It didn't sit right, but I let it go.
A few months later, I told her again how much I needed her to come. She told me because her brother had passed away (2 years ago before we met) and that her mother is having mental issues, she needed to be there for her, but promised she'd try harder.
It's now been over three years, most of it long distance. Lately I've been feeling worse. Seeing couples together in real life makes me feel dumb, like what I have isn't fully real since it only exists through calls and messages. She is genuinely a good partner. She's caring, remembers small details, and is very supportive. I understand her family situation deeply.
But I can't ignore my feelings anymore. I'm starting to believe she may never actually move. I feel like I'm putting my life on hold. I don't want someone else specifically, I just want simple things like coming home to someone, holding hands outside, not being alone all the time. When I picture myself five years from now, I don't want to have waited and waited only to end up alone anyway, never having given myself the chance to build something real.
Living alone and handling everything by myself is exhausting. I need companionship in a physical, everyday sense, not just emotional support through a screen. Because of all this, I've been considering ending the relationship later this year if nothing changes.
I spoke to two friends. One thinks it's completely reasonable. The other thinks I'm being selfish and insensitive given her family situation. Now I'm stuck questioning myself. Am I wrong for feeling like I'm wasting my life?