My fiancée and I have been together for [length of relationship] and are engaged. We both come from a religious background, although she is more religious than I am. She has always been clear that she wants to wait until marriage for vaginal sex, and I agreed to that.
A few nights ago, we were at her house. We were cuddling and things became sexual. I touched her, and she seemed into it at the time. Then I became very turned on and tried to escalate toward vaginal sex, even though I knew that was a boundary for her. She did not agree to that, and I realize now that this was wrong and disrespectful of the boundary she had clearly set.
The situation then shifted into anal sex. I asked if she consented, and she said yes. During it, she seemed to be in pain at one point, and I asked if I should stop. She did not clearly say yes or no, but her body language seemed to continue encouraging it, so we continued. Looking back, I feel like I should have stopped and checked in more clearly instead of relying on mixed signals.
Afterward, we fell asleep. I woke up very early and left because I had to get home to my mother, who I live with and help care for. I left my fiancée a note explaining why I left, but I did not wake her up.
The next day, she was very upset. She said she felt bad, needed time alone, and did not want to see me or talk by voice or video for now. She said we can text, but she needs space to think. She also said she still loves me, does not want to leave me, and does not fully blame me because she did consent. However, I think the religious guilt is hitting her hard, especially because our religion prohibits anal sex.
I have apologized, but I also know that apologies do not automatically fix this. I feel terrible because I love her and want to comfort her, but she has specifically asked for space. Part of me wants to go to her house and talk to her in person, but I am worried that would be selfish and would ignore another boundary she is setting.
I am trying to understand what the right thing to do is here. I do not want to pressure her, but I also do not want to abandon her emotionally.
My specific question: How do I respect her request for space while also taking responsibility for crossing a sexual boundary and trying to repair trust?
TL;DR: My fiancée wanted to wait until marriage for vaginal sex. During a sexual encounter, I tried to escalate toward that despite knowing her boundary, then we had anal sex after she verbally consented. Now she feels guilty and wants space. How do I respect her space while taking responsibility and repairing the relationship?