I just lost my family to weed
I’m 25 F and been struggling with quitting weed for 4 years now, and now my family is using very heavily around me. Tapering down doesn’t work, quitting cold turkey doesn’t work. I’m a very heavy user. All I do is wait to get high again and give myself anxiety attacks from getting too high or not high enough. I replaced an alcohol dependency with weed “for my health”. My logic was “It’s not physically destroying me so it must be ok.” I went to my parents house for Mother’s Day this weekend really exited for the distraction of seeing my whole family. My Mom knows how hard I’ve been struggling to quit. I was well dependent on it before her. Everyone was so stoned by the time I got there they could barely speak or hold down an intellectual conversation. My fiance was there who doesn’t drink or smoke, and every time he tried to say something interesting for conversation, it was all giggles and nonsense. I was so humiliated. They smoked right before going over to my grandmas, who’s developing dementia. My aunt gave gifts to all the moms. My mom thought her shower gel was lotion and rubbed it all over herself. When my aunt told her “wait, that’s shower gel” they laughed hysterically and promised that she was sober. I felt like everybody knew and I wanted to crawl in a hole. My grandmas is only right next door and my mom insisted on putting two gummies in her pocket for later. She didn’t even take them, just wanted them with her immediately after she ripped her bong several times. I want to kick this habit by the time we get married so that I can have kids, but I can’t imagine bringing them there and having them think it’s normal. I miss having normal conversations with my mom and dad so bad. We couldn’t even get through a game of uno without a bunch of hysterical laughing, stopping for snacks, and annoying tik tok sound effects for 20 minutes. I felt like I kept getting cut off for some stupid ridiculous noise somebody had to make. I feel guilty for normalizing heavy daily weed use to deal with my trauma. My uncle passed away two years ago due to alcohol addiction, and my mom took it the hardest but instead of going back to drinking she did the same as me and turned to the marijuana. It’s so hard to stop when every holiday or birthday is a trigger. They wouldn’t stop asking if they could give my fiance more beer to get him drunk because he doesn’t smoke…. I kept telling them he just wants to enjoy his time here. I’ve mentioned addictive tendencies before and was shut down. My dad was in law enforcement and my mom was a counselor, so, they’ve seen “real addiction”. Sometimes I secretly wish I made myself dependent to alcohol again instead so I could go to rehab and have help getting sober. I just miss when my family could sit down and have intellectual conversations and enjoyed each other’s company. Now it feels like one big high school party and the lifestyle I’m trying to get away from.