I know it's the classic gay male falls for his best friend... I've tried for several months to get over him in that way, but then the vacation came. I still have hopes and this is the biggest problem... Probably I have to talk about it, again...

I'm 20M and I've had feelings for my best friend (19M) for about 1.5 years. We've known each other for 2.5 years.

About 9-10 months ago I told him how I feel. He rejected me, said he is straight. But this is the whole tragedy.

Before the rejection:

- He asked me several times, whether I'm gay, even if we weren't that close friends at this point.

- During truth or dare he admitted to having homoerotic thoughts, and I said I wouldn't be gay. The next day he said "it's too bad you're not gay"

- We had very flirty periods together

- He previously identified as asexual, then suddenly straight

Since the rejection:

- He ghosted or friendzoned every girl he's tried to date

- He told me physical contact with strangers is hard for him, but not with me (because I'm his best friend)

- He downloaded Hinge but nothing came of it

He said he doesn't want a relationship, especially since our contact intensified

6 weeks ago we went on vacation together with another friend.

- He initiated us (all 3) sleeping in the same bed

- He called our cuddling "Cuddle-sex" the next morning

- He said after the "cuddling": "You would definitely be the better top out of the two of us". This is by far the most confusing thing he recently said. Like, if you're straight why would you use describe yourself as a top???

- When I told him I find him beautiful, he deflected but didn't shut it down

- And this is by far not the most confusing thing that happend during this trip.

Since the vacation:

Less contact, he declined two phone calls

He seems to be pulling back. But also I could be interpreting too much into that. Even before the vacation there was a time, where we haven't had that much of contact.

The evening, where we spoke about that I'm into him, we talked about the "false-signals" he gave me and he said that he doesn't know what he does. So I'm worried that he is just "lost" again.

I'm not angry. I think he's going through exactly what I went through at 18, figuring out his sexuality, maybe trying to date girls and see where it goes.

But he said he is straight, but definitely doesn't act that way.