AITA for wanting to break up with my girlfriend after I hurt her trust, but now feel like she’s punishing me
I’m in my first serious relationship, and recently I messed up. I shared something private about our relationship with someone else. I didn’t do it to embarrass or hurt her, but I understand now that I broke her trust and should have protected our relationship better.
I apologized, took responsibility, and told her I wanted to fix it through actions, not just words. I told her I wouldn’t share private things about us again unless we both agreed, that I’d ask first if I was unsure, and that I’d take responsibility instead of defending myself.
For a while, it seemed like we were slowly making amends. We saw each other, talked, laughed, kissed, and had normal moments again. But there was always tension. She would be warm one moment, then suddenly remind me, “Just because we’re going out doesn’t mean we’re good,” or “I’m still angry with you.”
I understood she was still hurt, but it started feeling like every good moment came with punishment attached. She also began ignoring my “I love you” or “te amo” messages. I know she doesn’t owe me reassurance while hurt, but after a while it made me feel smaller and smaller.
Yesterday pushed me over the edge. I bought her flowers and cheesecake because I wanted to see her, apologize in person, and make the day special. We had talked about seeing each other, but I also had Mother’s Day family plans first.
Then she started switching up. First she said she didn’t want to see me because it wouldn’t be the full day. Then she told me to go spend time with my family. Then she said she had plans with friends. When I was on my way, she said she preferred that I didn’t come and that she didn’t want to see me.
So I respected that.
But later, she blamed me for not coming to pick her up, even though she had told me not to come. That messed with my head. If I came anyway, I’d be disrespecting her boundary. If I didn’t come, I didn’t care enough.
I ended up dropping off the flowers while she wasn’t home. Hours later, the only thing she texted was a good night. No thank you, no acknowledgment, nothing.
Now it’s the morning after, and I feel emotionally exhausted. I know I hurt her first, and I’m not avoiding accountability. But I feel like this has gone from “I’m hurt and need time” to “I’m going to hurt you back until I feel better.”
AITA for wanting to break up because I feel like her response has become toxic and emotionally damaging too?