A few months ago my brother was contacted by someone claiming they did one of those ancestry DNA things and it came back saying that they were half sisters. Originally he brushed it off and thought it was a scam. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, he logged on to his account and she popped up saying the same thing.
At this point, he told me, and our brother and sister, and we got in to contact with her to ask questions. She lives very close to where we grew up, and is the same age as our older sister. She also has some resemblance to us. In addition, our father has always been open about his cheating on our mother around this time frame, which was after our older brother and sister were born and before my younger brother and I were born. This all made it seem very likely to be true. At first, the half sister’s mother denied everything. Up until now she believed someone else to be her father, who was married to her mother since before she was born until he passed away recently. She even has siblings she thought were her full siblings.
We asked her what she wanted to do, if she wanted to confront our father and try to build a relationship with him, but she said she doesn’t know and has seemed to be neutral about it. Our mother has been very sick since the beginning of this year and we don’t know how she would handle the news so we wanted to at least wait until she recovers to bring this up, but we have no idea how long that will be, or if she will ever fully recover. They are both in their 70s.
I think I should note that my father has been essentially a saint since his affair, which was 50 years ago. He has devoted his life to our mother and us as long as I can remember, but she still brings up his affair to this day. I don’t know what will happen if this gets out, but I don’t think it will be good. My father carries so much guilt over his past, he frequently cries over it. I know this will make it so much worse. And I know my mother will not make it any easier. I know she is a victim in the situation and I have sympathy for her as well. The loyal thing to do would be to tell her, but in this situation I’m afraid it may kill her. She has an addictive personality and has been taking a lot of pills since she got sick. She stayed high for about 3 months straight and is just now starting rehab trying to get off of them. I’m afraid this will make her relapse and she will never get off of them now.
I don’t know what the right thing to do in this situation is. If my half sister was sure she wanted our father to know then I would fully support her decision. But she hasn’t said what she wants at all and is letting us decide. Her mother finally confessed this week, so we know for sure it’s true. Because of my parents’ age, I’m afraid this will cause more harm than good. On the other hand, I feel like my father deserves to know he has another child, and my mother deserves to know her husband fathered another child while they were married. I have actually been in my mother’s shoes, but at a much younger age. At 23, my now ex husband got another woman pregnant and I am of course glad I found out, but I don’t know what I would have wanted if I didn’t find out for another 50 years.
Any words of advice from anyone that has been in a similar situation, or, on the other hand, from someone older who could imagine what they would want would be helpful.