u/New-Price-1279

I just keep looking back at the relationship and feeling like everything was my fault. The triangulation, the DARVO.. I just feel like if I could’ve kept my cool and acted level headed then this wouldn’t have happened. I completely destroyed my sense of self for the 5 months we were together, but I keep convincing myself that was my doing, not his.
He’s not diagnosed, but when I run through situations in my mind, it all lines up with being a covert narcissist. Idk, I can’t seem to move on (we broke up 7 months ago) because I keep running through all the arguments over and over again. I wish I could’ve had someone to talk to during the relationship to confide in.. now I’m just convinced I’m the narcissist or something.
He also hasn’t tried contacting me once. There has been nothing. Just totally discarded and replaced before I was even out the door.

I wanted to preface by saying that I was only with him LD on and off for 5 months. My heart goes out to anyone who has dedicated years to these people and have lost themselves in the process.

The red flags I ran from.
-Was fighting online with strangers all day. Instagram comments/ discord servers.
-Got overly sensitive to me complimenting other friends on something as little as being good at the game we were playing.
-After his mom cooked dinner, his sister asked him to clean up. He was fuming with her for days.
-He always had a favorite person he’d cling to, he could never fully include everyone. He was always leaching off someone.

Red flags during the relationship
-Hungout 2 on 1 with woman from uni until 12am. Sent me weird videos of the two girls fighting each other.
-Left flirty comments on Instagram thots page.
-Pulled up a body %fat chat made me place myself on it then said he preferred to %that was right below the one I picked (was never good enough)
-Would never apologize after we were official
-Couldn’t text me because it would negatively impact his day if he did (he was on his 7th hour of gaming).
- got defensive when I told him he wasn’t even sending me good morning texts

These are just a few and probably not the worst. But Everytime, I’d apologize and beg for him back. Still trying to tell myself it wasn’t my fault.