It's Hitting Harder Than I Thought
So honestly this is a long time coming. He's threatened it a few times before, I think as a scare tactic. I've told him I wanted to separate and he cries amd says no. Yesterday I couldn't take it anymore and I told him when our lease was up in July I wanted to move on separately. I said anything he wanted I'm open to discussing we just needed to figure out a plan for our child. My hope is that we can do this amicably and cheap lol..
He has put me and my kids, his bio and step kids, through hell and I am ready to be DONE. I've been ready to be done I just had to get to the point I could financially take care of the kids alone. I'm not there financially but I couldn't take it anymore, I'll figure it out.
I think what's surprising me the most is like the good memories are coming back and hitting me and I can't stop crying. I thought I was over it and now I can't stop crying! Not like a regret or mourning, maybe purging all the years of my nervous system being on alert lol.. I'm just having weird feelings I thought I worked through 😢