If I knew then, what I know now
Longtime lurker on here,
My ex partner 29 F and I recently separated. She suffered with alcohol abuse, attacked me, tried to kick me out, and her parents came over and forced me to leave.
I am 25 F, and I was turfed on the streets with just my wallet, charger, and passport.
I never raised my voice.
I never argued.
I never wanted conflicts.
And she told her family we ‘argue.’ That she can’t deal with the conflict. If me cowering anytime she snaps, drags me off sofas, kicks me out, yells at me where next door is banging on the walls, and I can barely speak is conflict then I don’t know anymore.
I have only ever tried to love.
She hasn’t spoken to me since and it’s 3 days now.
I have temporary accommodation,
And I will be leaving my location to a new live in job.
And what hurts is the little one.
I loved him like my own.
We were so close. So so so so close. I wish we were a family dynamic where I didn’t bond, couldn’t love, I didn’t feel anything maternal.
And my ex has cut all ties knowing I’m homeless, knowing I put her and her son before anything I did. I tried my completely hardest for them.
I messed up. I got things wrong. But I tried.
I have no rights.
I have nothing.
He is turning 8 in two weeks time, and I can’t see him. I don’t be there on his birthday.
I miss his morning cuddles, our chats to school, making him his breakfast and dinners, how I would write a morning note every single day. We were so close my ex would say I’m the better parent and I spent months trying to reassure her that no one could ever replace her.
Yet I was so easily discarded.
Treated worse than an animal because I loved. And I loved too much.
Every breath hurts without my step son.
I got him a compass for his birthday that says my little miracle, where ever you go, love follows. And now I feel like I have let him down.
And it kills me.
I feel like I failed him.
So I guess I am no longer a step parent, and will be checking out of this sub Reddit.
Most people are free when they leave,
I now have a life sentence of never seeing that little boy again.