I think...
I think the hardest part of these last 6 months was me defending you knowing you've spun our story to make you out to be the victim. All of my friends and my family have been trying to get me to see the truth but I've been so blinded by the fact that I love you that wasn't listening, but even my therapist is saying it. It's not from me talking shit about you, it's from me explaining what happened. How you pulled away 6 months before you left. How you flipped me taking care of you during your recovery from surgery as me being mean and controlling. How your friend would drive 3hrs just to see you, to take you out and spoil you. I knew in my gut what was happening and when I brought it up you made me feel like I was crazy for being jealous of the person who would bring you gifts and bought you a season pass to your favorite amusement park. I let you gaslight me because I was scared to loose you. But they all are saying it, the same thing over and over. They all collectively agree that you're just a Narc isist and a Cheater. That hurts a lot to think about because I know it's true. I wanted to see the good in you because I know deep down your a good person. I'm start to accept it! But it's starting my healing process all over again. I should've broken up with you when you cheated the first time, but you seemed so remorseful and I believe in second chances so I let you stay. I've spent the last 6 months trying to prove to myself that I'm not a mistake that im a good partner, but I never was the mistake in our relationship you are. I wish I could tell you that! The worst part is I still love you! I still want you to come home!