Confused about a long-term undefined relationship and need outside perspective
I have been talking to someone
for about 3 years. We’ve consistently stayed in each other’s lives, and emotionally it has never felt casual. He checks in on me, makes effort with me, tells me he loves me, and I genuinely feel cared for.
The issue is that our relationship has never actually become official, which has caused me a lot of confusion over time.
Recently I finally asked him directly if we were officially in a committed, exclusive relationship. He said:
“Right now, not yet. It is not because I don’t want to. I want to be sure I have the time and focus for you. I do not have that fully right now. If this is not good for you, just let me know.”
Before that, when I asked what being with me looks like to him, he described wanting a relationship where we uplift each other, love each other intimately, and share our lives together.
I’m conflicted because he sounds emotionally sincere, and he did answer me honestly instead of avoiding the question. But at the same time, after 3 years we still are not officially together.
From an outside perspective, does this sound like someone who genuinely wants a relationship but doesn’t feel ready right now, or does this sound more like emotional attachment without real commitment?