Am I expecting too much from a casual friendship?
(Used AI to organize my thoughts better because I was confused emotionally, but the situation and feelings are real.)
I’m confused about a girl I knew from college and want some honest outside opinions.
We were classmates and she’s from a town near mine (around 30 km away). During college our bond was decent, not super close but good. Even after college we met once and she was genuinely nice in person. Whenever we meet face-to-face, she talks well, shows interest, and the interaction feels natural.
But on calls/messages she is very different. In the beginning after college she used to pick my calls, but later she started ignoring them more. Sometimes she calls back later, sometimes not. She almost never initiates conversation herself.
One time I went to her town and called her, but she didn’t pick up. She did call later, but by then I was already frustrated with this pattern and unfollowed/removed her from Instagram in anger.
Another time when I was drunk I called her again, she didn’t pick up but later called and mentioned that I had removed her from Instagram. I was actually the one who unfollowed her first, so now I feel awkward following her back.
The confusing part is:
- In person she feels warm and comfortable.
- Online/calls she feels cold and distant.
I don’t think this is deep love or anything. Logically I already know romantic feelings alone are not enough for long-term commitment. But I still miss her sometimes.
What bothers me more is that even as a friend, I feel like if I contact someone once in a while, expecting a decent response isn’t unreasonable. I’m not someone who constantly messages or calls either.
Now I’m stuck between:
- wanting to reconnect casually,
- wanting to follow her back on Instagram,
- and also feeling tired of the unequal effort/confusion.
Do you think:
- She only sees me as a casual old college friend?
- Am I overexpecting basic friendship effort?
- Should I just move on completely?
- Is following her back a bad idea if I still have some emotional attachment?
Looking for honest opinions, not sugarcoated advice.