u/NetworkImpossible380

This probably won’t be relatable to everyone lmao but my kids brought home another day care plague and I took the green box of musinex and had an AWFUL reaction to it. I usually take the blue box with no issues. I woke up in the middle of the night FREAKING OUT. It felt like it did when I was in thyroid storm. Weak, foggy, just off so so off and anxious.

I did all my checks, took meds check, BP check, no fever, heart rate check.

Turns out this is common to one of the active ingredients in the green musinex and ever since I took it my medical PTSD from my thyroid storm have been RAMPANT. BP, normal. HR, 60’s good. Anxiety MAXED OUT. I am just sooo freaked out. I didn’t realize how much anxiety I had about that but I’m sure no one knows my story. I went into thyroid storm so entirely randomly 3 months pp with my second baby and spent 3 nights in the icu and 2 in the cardiac unit. Prior I had no idea I had any thyroid issues at all. Perfectly healthy pregnancy and birth to icu bed. So scary.

Im about to jump out of my skin ever since and idk why. So I just took my BP and HR and it’s like that classic sinus pressure ear ringing BS but I still feel so weird. I called my endo and he’s sending lab orders but just to amuse me probably. Lmao I just can’t stop with this anxiety. Even though my levels were damn near clothes to reminiscing, I just need to know to put my mind at ease.

Has anyone had such a weird reaction to medication since graves? I never have side effects from over the counter meds like this.

I see posts and ppl IRL claim they don’t need a break from their kids all the time they need a break from xyz surrounding the kids. But to me that is a break from your kids and being a mom.

And I think that’s okay to say too!!!

Shit. My kids are 10 months apart, the two roughest ages so far which is 2.5 and 3.5. I absolutely need a break from them. Saying ohhh I need a break from being called mom every 3 seconds is basically indirectly saying you need a break from your kids. That’s okay.

I need a break from their constant whining, fighting, repeating the same phrases over and over and over, the “no” to everything I offer or say or suggest. The potty training, the diapers, the screaming, touching, routine, all of it!!!!! Yes some of that is just motherhood and being a parent and not just your kids but you can’t have one without the other.

Like girl if be saying I need to not see my kids for a few days bc I’m losing my mind and that makes me a bad mom, then so be it. If my kids say there quietly and never moved or made a mess SURE I wouldn’t need a break. But that isn’t the reality of 99% of kids. That is just having kids.

Especially as a single mom with a fucked up custody arrangement that frankly back fired on me and now I’m stuck in for at least another year. YES I NEED A BREAK. Maybe my reality isn’t everyone’s but if it is yours too…. It’s okay to say you need your space from your kids. That doesn’t make you a bad mom or person. You don’t have to make up some flowery way of saying it either. At least not to me!!! I get it!!!

I would literally die for my kids but I am also dying for a vacation away. Both can be true.

Tbh I grew up with her telling stories about how my dad had to ask her 4 times to get married before she did, how she told him if he will destroy her life she won’t be with him xyz. All the things you think a feminist would say. So, it’s really contradictory to what she’s doing now that he isn’t here.

I want preface this with I’m this is mental health and grief but I live with her and my two kids, while having to be a SAHM and my dads care giver alone for the first 3-4 months of his cancer journey (he died in 6 months post diagnosis). Allllll while getting a divorce from a covert narc. It was AWFUL. Not going to lie idk how I survived the last year of my life.

So needless to say this is also my grief and my post divorce grief I never got to feel, plus empathy fatigue.

However she started talking about men, marriage and basically a fuck buddy almost immediately after he was put into the ground. I kind of brushed it off as like a women who spent 30 years with someone trying to mentally understand what being a widow means in her early 60’s. Grief does weird shit. But it’s been a year of her thinking all of his co-workers are hitting on her, suspicious of HER OWN friends and talking about needing a physical connection. I’m over it. She then while crying the other day said “I just don’t feel safe to leave anymore.” Ie leave the house alone and this is all very weird to me.

It’s grief so it is weird. But at the same time my dad wasn’t a tough guy. He wouldn’t fight. He also stayed home while she partied and went on vacations etc. he was almost never with her to where she’d feel weird to leave to go grocery shopping. This is all very mental health crisis to me but she’s a boomer and so that conversation never fucking goes anywhere. Now IM her surrogate husband in a sense. She refuses to leave without me, she has not gone grocery shopping, made a big discussion, plan anything or even get herself lunch without me. In a single mom and I’m only 33 and I’d like to get MY OWN life back. So while I had compassion and patience the last year she’s not doing anything to help her own self and instead treating me like I’m here to fill her voids for her.

I’m just so exhausted and I’m sick of not being able to do anything without someone else there and by that I also mean my own mother. It’s getting out of control but I also feel so bad bc I get she feels alone… but I have a planned Europe trip coming up that I’ve been planning years for and saving for and she’s now thinking she’s going to tag along and I’m basically paying for it. Which I don’t have the money for not do I want her to ruin the trip by not only her anxiety but her expectations. My travel will be a lot different than her travel. I don’t want to sit on the beach or waste away in one specific bar in Scotland for a week to “relive her grandfathers life”. I want to go to museums and spend time with my long distance friends I never see and eat out, experience different places and go to Ireland! All of which she told me she won’t do.

—- I’m just venting I guess idk. I just want my life even if it’s only a small portion of it to be for ME and not for her or my kids or my shitty co-parent who can’t do anything without me.