I’m 28F, and I’ve been in a relationship with a couple—my boyfriend (31M) and his wife (36F). We’ve been together for a while now, living life as a throuple.
There are good days. There’s love here. I care about both of them deeply. They’re not bad people.
But I feel like I lost myself somewhere along the way.
Lately, I’ve been feeling this constant pull… like I want my own space, my own life, my own identity again. I want to go on dates. I want to have my own place. I want to be able to create, explore, and just exist without feeling tied into a dynamic that doesn’t fully meet me.
I feel unfulfilled—emotionally, romantically, and sexually. I’ve tried to communicate that I need more: more intimacy, more security, more attention, more of the dynamic I actually crave. But it feels like those needs either aren’t being met or just don’t fit into what they want long-term.
And the hardest part?
I think I was happier before this relationship.
I miss who I was when I was just… me. Independent. Free. Not questioning if I’m asking for too much or if I’m the problem.
I don’t hate them. I don’t even want to lose them. If anything, I wish we could just be friends because I do love them as people.
But staying like this feels like I’m slowly abandoning myself.
I keep going back and forth in my head:
Am I being dramatic?
Am I selfish for wanting more?
Is this just a rough patch I should push through?
Or is this my gut telling me this isn’t the life I actually want?
I don’t have kids. I’m not tied down in that way. So part of me feels like… if I don’t leave now, when will I?
But another part of me feels guilty for even thinking about it because there is love here.
I guess I just want to hear from people who’ve been in relationships where they cared about the people but still felt unfulfilled.
Did you stay and make it work?
Or did you leave and find yourself again?
Be honest with me. I can handle it.
Should I stay and try harder… or leave and choose myself?