My mother’s behavior toward me changes depending on what kind of girl I talk to, and it’s very confusing and stressful for me.
When it’s the daughter of my mother's friend or a girl she considers unattractive maybe someone overweight, awkward, short, with glasses or pimples she acts relaxed and encouraging. she smiles and asks why I don’t talk to her more or why I avoid being around when she visits. i dont avoid but she says things like why do you run away when they come. She says things like, “She’s very nice and talkative, why is your behavior like this?” They seem comfortable and almost want me to interact with those type of girls.
But when the girl is good looking, confident, or someone I personally find attractive, her behavior changes completely. She becomes angry, watchful, and uncomfortable. She asks more questions, closely observes both me and the girl, and reacts in ways that make me feel nervous and I feel like i am doing something wrong
One time, she saw me talking to a cute girl from my school. Her eyes widened in shock, and she kept staring back and forth between me and her in a very intense way. It did not feel happy or casual. it felt stressed and emotionally charged. Then she avoids me at home.
Since childhood, I have usually obeyed them and avoided openly challenging them, so they have never directly forbidden me from talking to girls in a strict way. Instead, the reactions are indirect. For example, later she nervously say something like, “Nowadays you talk to girls, huh,” The comment sounds casual on the surface, but emotionally it feels connected to that specific interaction and carries tension underneath it.
What confuses me is the inconsistency. She seems comfortable when the girl is someone she does not see as a real romantic possibility, but become anxious or reactive when the girl is attractive or someone she thinks I may genuinely like.
Her reactions make me feel watched, judged, and unsure of myself, even though they never openly forbid anything.
Is this a normal kind of parental behavior? Why might a parent react so differently depending on the type of girl I interacts with, and how should someone deal with this?
My father’s reactions toward me become very strange and emotionally intense and is it jealousy whenever girls interact with me in even a normal way.
For example, once during a skydiving activity, a female instructor was attaching the safety belt and equipment to me as part of her job. Instead of treating it normally, my father reacted in a mocking way. “Look how confident girls are nowadays. How confidence and brave she is to touch a stranger man body. "
But the way he said it did not sound like a neutral observation. It felt like he specifically meant that a girl touching or interacting closely with a boy requires confidence, and that I somehow lack confidence or masculinity in comparison. He then angrily and sarcastically told me to “learn from the girl.”
What confuses me is that on the surface it sounds like advice, but emotionally it feels very different. The tone is not supportive or encouraging. it feels mocking, critical, and loaded with tension. Instead of making me feel confident, it makes me feel embarrassed, watched, and uncomfortable.
Why are they reacting this way? is this normal and what should i do?