u/Nearby-Tension3515

I’ve been deconstructing for a while now, but one thing that’s really been bothering me lately is how consistently the New Testament treats women as spiritually weaker and in need of male control.
Peter calls women the “weaker vessel” and tells husbands to live with them in an understanding way because they’re weaker. Paul says man is the image and glory of God, while woman is the glory of man. Multiple passages hammer the idea that women should submit because they’re the weaker party.
The worst part is when Christians try to spiritualize it. I’ve heard elders say God intentionally made women emotionally and spiritually weaker so the husband/wife relationship would better represent Christ and the church.
That’s actually vile when you think about it. They’re claiming the Creator deliberately handicapped half the human race emotionally and spiritually just to make His metaphor work better.
This isn’t just outdated sexism. It’s a fundamentally degrading view of women that treats them as morally and spiritually defective by design.
Once you see it, it’s hard to unsee. The entire framework feels like ancient patriarchal men writing their cultural assumptions into “God’s word.”
Anyone else get stuck on this during deconstruction?

I grew up in the Church of Christ and it has completely broken me.
My dad used to beat me with a belt while telling me that God was angry at him for not punishing me enough. My grandmother would take us into the woods to cut switches and whip me and my sister. Years later she denied ever doing it.
I was raised in constant fear of hell, demons, and losing my salvation. I was taught that if I got any part of doctrine wrong, I would burn forever. The fear was so intense that I still have panic attacks and dissociative episodes where I completely shut down and lose time.
I was taught that anger and doubt were signs that the Holy Spirit was convicting me, so I learned to distrust my own mind and emotions. Even now, I’m terrified of secular ideas because I was taught they could corrupt me.
I feel completely trapped between terror of God’s punishment and deep anger at the hypocrisy and pain I experienced. I don’t know who I am outside of this fear.
I’m exhausted from carrying this for so long. Has anyone here come out of the Church of Christ and actually found peace? How do you heal from this kind of religious trauma?