Afraid of being stuck in cope
Hey there!
So my ex broke up around two years ago, we were together for around 10.
And the first thing im gonna say is, i was not perfect. This is the burden ive been carrying since the day she broke up. That i couldve been better - because i actually could. Issues with work and at times being not able to trust her. I would become annoying, asking too many questions.
Nothing i would describe as being abusive, but yeah - annoying at times.
Now, she ist not diagnosed. But the things she did and said are kind of the reason i am here now. Regularly yelling in fights, sometimes literal screeching. Threats of breaking up so i would back down, verbal abuse, threatening to crash into trees whiles driving with me in it, threats of suicide and even threatened to kill me once.
Theres probably stuff im missing. But thats just to give you a general idea.
She once suggested she might be bpd. Thats it. Suffice to say, she never had to experience anything like it from me.
And i sit here with guilt, that i couldve saved it if i had been better. That the bpd thing im reading about is just pure cope, and me trying to dodge responsibilty.
My brain is scrambled.