Relationships with Biological Family, need advice
We adopted our 10yo daughter two years ago after being a long term foster care situation. Our adoption was done through a conditional surrender with visitation for both biological mother and monthly contact with biological sister (living with childs bio grandfather). Bio dads rights were terminated after contact ceased for over two years. Both bio parents are incarcerated and mom does not contact her as often as the agreement allows. A week after the adoption was official, our child disclosed abuse by her bio sister, occuring over multiple years. The child experienced a battle with her mental health and even ended up in an inpatient psyc facility. During this time we did not hear anything from bio grandfather and we were okay with that and not pushing because of the abuse. Once our daughter started asking to have contact with her sister we reached out and offered an option with boundaries set (in public with us present). This was not acceptable to grandpa. He only wanted her to come to his house without us present. We set the firm boundary and he did not reach out again. Fast forward a few months and she asked again and so we reached out and he said okay to a Starbucks date. As the months went on our child asked for more contact. We initiated contact (as we always seem to have to do) and have been okay with our child staying for a little while without us as she continued to feel safe to do so. For the past six or so months we have been having these kind of visits approximately twice a month. Flash forward to today and our kiddo comes home and tells us the grandpa wants to take us to court because we aren't following the agreement. He tells her she's supposed to go there every other weekend, all weekend (not true). He tells her not to tell us they had the conversation. He tells us he won't allow the sister to come to our house (her birthday party is tomorrow) because we are too controlling. He fills her with all of these ideas about us as parents...
I'm so tired. We are the reason they ever had contact in the first place. We asked for them to meet for the first time. They didn't. We always ask. He never initiates any contact. I honestly don't know what to do because we have always been supportive of bio family... Yet it feels like they just tear us down and fill her with hatred towards us.
Adoptive parents, what would you do? Adoptees, what support would you need from your adoptive parent in this situation?