keeping an eye on my planning and energy reserves feels like driving a car while being blind.
at least, what i think it would be like to drive a car while being blind. im not blind. apologies for being insensitive.
im tumbling again. id finally gotten my energy levels back up again after spending the better part of last year without enough sleep. so i started a gym membership, taking motorcycle lessons that ive been wanting since i was a teenager, picked the rest of my tasks back up at work, even contacted some people about taking some courses for work. but now its all too much.
will i ever learn to anticipate it correctly?
i mean, ive gone through this cycle so many times. youd think one day ill learn, but alas, no such luck yet.
the way in which it feels like driving a car while blind is like, i can only do this by feel alone. but the moment i feel like im going in the right direction, and put a bit more speed into it, the next second i run off the road and i tumble again. then it takes everything i can do to not crash into a tree, managing by sheer luck alone. and so on, and so on.
im still a biological creature, and thus every day is gonna be and feel a little different. one day my energy is high, the other low. one day i can focus, the other i cant. this kinda shit really makes me wish i could be a cyborg or whatever, or just live in a machine.
i need a vacation.