Struggling to Cope
So for context, I have been dating this person since roughly the beginning of September 2025 after a very short "talking stage" as we were both looking for exclusivity, both liked each other so didnt really think twice about jumping into a relationship.
Everything was pretty much perfect for a while until the cracks started to show, everytime my partner would be experiencing a minor inconvenience, I would be the one to blame for it. I am aware that people with BPD do blow situations out of proportion however despite my best efforts to calm him down and reassure him kindly, I am always the bad guy in his eyes.
I also want to point out that this is my first relationship (Im 22 btw) so you can imagine this is a lot to handle for a first time.
Furthermore, (a bit more context) my partner receives Universal credit due to his mental health problems as well as the fact that he was put in to care as a child I can only sympathise as someone whos always worked since the age of 15 and graduated University just last year. Since the very beginning of our relationship I have made it clear to him that I do not value money, materialism or anything like that in a relationship however it is clear that he doesnt believe me.
Getting to my main point now, my partner has also been an avid 🍃 smoker which was never a problem for me since its something id also partake in from time to time. However it became clear to me that he valued that more than me to the point where each month he would run out of money about halfway through and Id end up being responsible for the costs of everything. Bearing in mind I do not live with my partner full time, however I do spend the majority of my time at his flat since he had a meltdown at my place (house share) disturbing the others and getting himself essentially banned from coming. I am a huge pushover, I struggle to say no so when he asks for something 99% of the time he gets it and I think this is where our problem lies.
Even when I provide for him to such a degree I never get anything back from it. I hardly ever ask anything of him, yet I always end up folding when he asks me for things. As im writing this im lying in bed with a sick bug and this whole day ive been made to feel like a nuisance. Following from this hed just been with me a couple days ago to visit my mum who is severely disabled and after losing my dad to cancer in 2023 shes been having to rely on carers so you can imagine the emotional turmoil ive been put through as im so unsure of my mums future. Despite witnessing this, my partner still doesnt seem to acknowledge the severity of his behaviour towards me and how Im losing myself.
After another heated argument yesterday, he went for a walk and after so much emotional stress I had a panic attack. Rocking back and forth in bed, seeing things moving and being unable to stop violently shaking so I called him to come back and there was not a single moment where he felt any care towards my situation and the fact that I was scared as something like that had never happened to me before.
I apologise if my post is very disjointed, this is my first reddit post and I just need some help and others POVs because im at my limit now so any help would be appreciated. 🫶