A man that hates himself will make you hate yourself
And this goes both ways. I was in a relationship for 2 years. Both of us are very insecure but I was more vocal about it. I hated myself, I couldn’t believe someone like him loved me so I pushed him away. I needed constant reassurance and I was always anxious. That made him more insecure. When I started becoming more secure with myself, he started pushing me away as well. No matter how much love I pour and appreciation I show, he always believed I’m gonna leave him like how his mom left him. He believed I’m gonna cheat on him. He couldn’t feel my love because he was constantly doubting it. When I get too needy or emotional, he shuts down and tells me I’m too emotional. He would also lie about a lot of things because he doesn’t trust me. Slowly, the foundation we’ve built started crashing down. We brought out the worst in each other even when we genuinely loved each other. We crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed, and what was once felt like a safe haven became a trauma bond. Cycles and patterns that we chose to ignore. Because we were happy at the beginning, we would be happy again right? We loved each other, we are soulmates. We could never find a love like this again. That’s not love anymore, that’s your attachment speaking.
Love is when two people can grow individually and accept each other. Love is trusting even the unknown. Love makes room for two people to breathe, so if one person feels like they are suffocating and constantly has to walk on eggshells, something is wrong. It’s hard to break free from a cycle like this, but I am proud that I was able to walk away even when he was my world. I was definitely happier with him, but I am more at peace right now. I see things that I wasn’t able to see before because of my love for him. If you are in a toxic relationship, I can’t blame you for staying or going back to them again and again. Stay until you have no reasons to hold on. You will eventually free yourself.