u/Muted_Detail_9856

Im 18. About eight months ago my girlfriend of three years died of cancer. I knew it was terminal from the beginning, about ten months into our relationship, but I stayed through all the hard stuff. I would go see her and take care of her in the hospital which is 135 miles from my home; I would visit at least twice a month for multiple days. Anyways, in her last few months we both knew she was very close to death which led me into a very deep depression: 2-3 hours of sleep a night, not eating, planning on killing myself, attempting to kill myself, etc. So I tried talking to my friends about it at the time and they didn’t listen they shrugged me off for more important things like partying or getting high. I ended up talking to an old female friend of mine for a while about it, got attached to her, and now after my old girlfriend died, I started dating my female friend of mine. All of my “friends” called me an asshole for dating her so soon after my old girlfriends death, and didn’t care about my mental health; they kicked me out of the group and made me out to be a cheating monster to the entire school. They wished for me to die or at a minimum be punished with some form of karma.

Well they got their wish. My stepdad, the only man who has ever been there for me and acted like a dad to me, is now dying of cancer in the ICU. Oh, and better yet, since all of this has happened my mother has only gotten more abusive.

In addition to all this, my new relationship feels so draining and exhausting. I still feel so lonely, like a burden even. Ive started thinking about trying to end it all again. Maybe third times the charm ehh?