u/MundaneSeaweed665

Anyone else had cancer for years? I've had it for over a decade and I'm so done. I am not suicidal, but I just can't do any more scans, drugs, new doctors, etc.

I don't think people realise what it's like once it goes to the brain. Before it was in the brain it felt I just had to "get through x" like I JUST needed to finish chemo, or I JUST needed to recover from surgery, or JUST needed to get to the end of radio. Then after I passed that goal I was (somewhat) myself again. Once it's in the brain it effects who YOU are. The way you think, the thoughts you have are essentially you. So now, I'm not me, I'm just the husk who pretends to be human in a social situation while secretly longing for the interaction to be done so I can go sit on the couch and do nothing.

Even when the plantets align and I feel like I can think properly and I have energy I am so scrambled that I can't even organise myself to do something. Then if I have managed to do something, for example, a while ago I tried to make a holiday video of an old trip. But if I get energy and I decide to get back to that, I can't remember where I was up to, or how to use the editing program and immediately I'm confused and overwhelmed.

I don't know what to do anymore. My oncologist straight up told me I have PTSD which was weird because they can't diagnose that. I went to a psychologist and they said I don't. I have an appointment with a new neurologist coming up and I know how it's going to go. They will ask "Okay, let's start at the beginning" I honestly can't remember what happened over 10 years ago and when I did which treatment/surgeries etc.

I don't even know what I want from this post, I'm just so done.

I don't have my finger on the QOTSA pulse like others in this sub. So, even though there is no announcement yet, I was wondering if any of you sleuths had noticed anything from their instagram or an interview anywhere that might hint at some Australian dates for the Catacombs show? Thanks.