Do you ever get used to the ex’s involvement?
I (f29) have been seeing a dad (m27) for 6 months. He has a 4 year old with ex and 50:50 custody. I have an 8 year old but ex has never had contact.
As the title says, I’ve never dated a parent and I’m struggling to get used to an ex being involved. They have a good relationship and are friends, although he has mentioned in passing (and a reason they split) that she is very defensive and if he mentions anything constructive she cries and tells him she’s not a bad parent etc. For this reason, he likes to keep the peace. The ex has since had another baby and I’m confident there aren’t any feelings between them.
BUT, I’m struggling to get used to her being involved. She’s called every-time we’re together whilst she has the kid, says he wants to speak to dad. A separate time she called after a night out and spoke to him about a mutual friend and at the end of the call, she was speaking to him about his work (he’s a fitness coach) and she said ‘if I want any advice on coaching I’ll just get it from you seeing as I gave you a baby’. I said it made me uncomfortable and my partner agreed that wasn’t right and conversation should be limited to the child, but he didn’t want to ignore the call in case it seemed as though he was intentionally hiding something. They’re going to a mutual friends wedding together later this month. She also seems to spend time round partners parents now and then.
I’m just finding myself really struggling. I’m falling for him hard, he’s a great person and a great dad, but I’m not fond of the fact that she’s going to be so involved for the rest of our lives. He agreed that he thinks it’s only necessary to keep conversation about the kids and whilst I do agree they need to be friends and coparent well, I’m struggling with the thought that I’ll always be a third in the relationship.
I’m aware I probably sound hypocritical given that I also have a child, but without having an ex involved I’ve not experienced this before. Does it get better with time? Is it worth pursuing given I really like him, or should I accept perhaps I’m not suited for someone in this situation? 😭