Avoidants — do they actually feel the breakup if they jump straight into a new relationship someone else?
I’m trying to understand this from an avoidant perspective, not looking for comfort answers.
If someone monkey branches straight out of a long-term relationship into a new one immediately:
- Do they actually process or feel the breakup at all, or is it just avoided entirely?
- Does it hit later? If you were the avoidant and you eventually processed it how long did it take?
- Is the new relationship genuine, or more of a distraction/escape from discomfort? To me it feels like he’s moved incredibly fast in this new relationship, he’s acting extremely out of character.
- Do Avoidants ever circle back after something like this, even if they were the one who did the damage?
- If they act completely cold and detached (e.g. can’t even say hello during pet custody exchanges), is that indifference and they have cut you out of their life completely or avoidance of guilt/shame?
I’m trying to understand the internal mechanics of how someone can switch off that hard after years and replace you instantly. Even though I spent years with this person I never knew about avoidant attachment until after the breakup which has explained a lot of how he was acting during the 8.5 years together.
Looking for honest insights, especially from people who identify as an avoidant or have been in relationships with one (for context my ex was a dismissive avoidant). Thanks!!