So back in February I realized for sure that im ace. Id been sort of in fighting with the idea of being ace for a long time because I still got turned on by porn. But once I read that some aces do masturbate and watch porn, and that it was really about the attraction, then I was sure I was ace, as ive never been attracted to anyone specific, nor anyone in real life. But its that thing about porn being a turn on that still has me confused. For a while I sort of decided I was cupioace, and I do still think I'd wanna at least try sex one day (im still a virgin). If i did it'd be someone I really trust like a qpr.
Recently ive been looking into aego, and it feels close, but there are still things i dont really see. For example the third person thing seems pretty important, but i feel like i dont experience it that way. I think the way I view it is that I imagine myself as the person in the image or porn or whatever, like I become them more than I replace them. I dont really fantasize much and whenever I have it was usually first person perspective in some capacity. Im not much of a kinky person either, at least not in a bdsm sense, which ive heard is common with aego. At the same time I think i struggle to pin point what counts at first person thinking or third person thinking. Its honestly a very real possibility that im just able to disassociate enough in these scenarios that I can enjoy them, but idk.
That being said the thing i do relate too is the part of aego talking about having "triggers" and things that turn you on, but dont necessarily come with a desire to do those things in real life. I wouldn't say there are specific characters or people in porn that get me going, it mostly comes down to artstyle and what theyre doing (I mostly engage with 2d stuff). And whenever I think of a lot of these things happening to me specifically, I just think theres no way, or that theres no way id do what they're doing, especially since a lot of what i watch tends to involve extreme ends of sexual desire.
Another aspect of aego that I think gets me is the seemingly always sex-aversness I seems to have. I think im sex-positive, although ive never done it, but in theory I feel like id totally do it. Although when I imagine it i usually imagine itd be with a partner if some kind. Idk maybe im just like constantly layers deep in artifice and im actually aego. I wanna hear what others think though cause there are still aego experiences I cant relate too, and plain ave experiences i cant relate too, so im kinda stuck wondering.