Hi, i really need advice.
i am on gap break for 6 months, i’ll be going to uni in august. im currently with my dad - it’s my first time seeing him in 7 years (i was 12 when i last saw him).
my dad didn’t want me to go to uni in the first half because he said his finances were tight and that i should stay home. i was living with my mother at this time in another country. my mom fought this with him and eventually said she’d cover everything for me by herself ( i have 2 older sisters in uni, dad covers them). my dad was fuming at this and i went anyway to another country to pursue the degree. long story short, my mom wasnt able to cover much and suffered an accident which fractured her leg but continued to say she would but i knew she wouldn’t (and for further proof, it’s been two months and she hasn’t really done much) so i contacted my dad and asked to come there and he battered me about it but eventually let me come and once i arrived he told me that he wished i stayed there because he likes the degree and in my mind i just immediately realized that he did all that “im not paying till august” to spite my mother because of their feud or whatever.
upon getting there, he seemed happy about my presence but would constantly talk shit about my moms side (including my mom) going as far as revealing her secrets and wishing death on her. eventually i told him i don’t want to hear anymore of this because that is all he was CONSTANTLY just talking about and it grew tiring.
i stay home. i didnt travel with him, didnt want to, i preferred to stay home. then i made a new friend (there’s a pretty cool IG community here) and we talked for weeks, called each other etc etc.
i asked my dad to go meet the friend and he starts telling me no and how i could get kidnapped, and die and all this exaggerated BS (that never happens in my country, you can walk around at 11pm and you’d be safe - it’s also heavily guarded, there are guards everywhere) and constantly told me he wants to meet the friends etc. why this annoyed me was because prior to me meeting the friend, my dad constantly bragged about how my 2 older sisters (never been with them and him at the same time) go out on their own and come back whenever and don’t really ask, but he was making such a big deal of it with me.
eventually he agreed and i went and met my friend and it was great and we went to his house, and i met his parents, they’re cool, and i returned home. dad didnt bring up the kidnapping dialogue again.
hell broke loose when i went out somewhere (i needed skincare products because mine had finished) and told him where i left the keys and he started raging out because i just went out. justified i should’ve told him, but he proceeded to tell me that he’d never give me a dime again (over text) i didn’t say anything to that. when i got home, he arrived an hour later and started shouting at me telling me that i should just go get my own place to live and my sisters never do this (he told me they did about 5 days ago), and i kept quiet to that.
the house was tense since that and a lot of feelings just arose for me. he is an absent father, i didnt see him for a decade till now, i have no recollection of him as a father figure to me, that role had to be played by my mother’s sister’s husband. he ghosted me for months when i was 12, then came back saying he was on a sabbatical. he fucked up my life by making me drop out of high school in 9th grade, moving countries with the promise that he’ll take care of me (my mom was swayed, i wasnt), and then i got there and he couldn’t afford to do anything, i sat home for weeks before my mom took me back to her country and i had to repeat the grade. he only became financially responsible when he got a job three years ago and thats been the relationship i had with him (just monetary). now im with him and he’s telling me i should go find my own place to stay at 18, two months into being in a new country simply because i made friends
i told my friend the situation and he suggested i come sleep over, for some time away and to deescalate and i asked my dad and he absolutely raged out on me again, this time he said he i am a headache, we won’t get along (he constantly uses this condescending dialogue), i should go away, i should go to my mother, his daughters are better than me, etc.
he constantly threatens me, either with me leaving, or him not sending me to uni in august, it is something new every time so he has some sort of control over me because we don’t have any relationship outside of the financial one. im so tired of him holding that over my head. i’ve always been the kid that doesn’t take this stuff lightly out of my sisters and i and i am struggling to keep it in. i hesitate in saying anything because he does not appreciate criticism, he has someone to blame for everything and is just spiteful and that’s why he is estranged from majority of his family and has no one besides his kids. he also has violent tendencies, based off what i remember about him a decade ago, so there’s that. i’ve resorted to sitting outside every time he returns home because i do not want to talk to him. i thought of telling him off and just bearing the shouting and the slap but i don’t know. he could kick me out or something. i hate it here but dont really have a choice if i want to have a degree.