I (31F) have been with my now ex (30M) for 3 years. We’ve had our issues and navigating each other’s own personal demons and baggage. As that’s par for the course in any relationship. We are only human. But we were able to learn to navigate those things together. I thought we were healthy. I thought we were good. My life recently hit rock bottom end of last year when I was laid off from my job (budget cuts) I couldn’t find anything for months and that significantly screwed me financially and mentally. My father tried to take his own life over Christmas and we spent Christmas in the hospital. But he was there, he was my rock and the only thing safe and solid in my life. I’ve been deep in the trenches of depression and a shell of a person. I know that can be hard on anyone but I tried to be open with him at where I was at and always tried to remain soft, present and loving towards him. Even though there were times I faltered and took my grievances out on him. (No yelling or nasty language just insecure jabs) I was good about catching myself and apologizing and it wasn’t a frequent thing. But yesterday morning he ended things. To me it’s out of the blue. To him it seems it’s been on his mind for a while. I feel betrayed. The I love yous, the being excited when I we home from work, the softness of our love for each other. I would ask if we were okay or if there was something we needed to work on and he always said we were okay.
I feel like I’m dying. I’ve been through heartbreak before but this one, this one is different. I’d like to mention we live together in a state far far away from either of our families. I have no money, no support system, and I feel like I’m grieving someone who is still alive. I don’t know why I’m posting here hence the Hail Mary. I am falling into a million pieces and the trajectory of my life changed so quickly that I can’t even get a grip.