I self harm for a lot of reasons, I can barely define any of them, but it's been hard lately. A family members health rapidly worsened and I know I'm not harming myself because I'm sad about it (I mean I am sad and scared and stressed) but just from other things. Stress probably, but it's taken a toll on my household and I've just kind of been left to take care of the house. It's not like I'm doing anything extreme, it's just exhausting being the only one to clean and then I just get mad about it or stressed or something and then have to hurt myself again. I know that when this family member dies it's going to get so much worse and I don't know if I can handle all that. I've been having longer gaps between my relapses (going from like every couple of days (3-5 days) to a week now between times) and I'm just scared I'll go back to like every day or every other day.
u/MercuryKurogane
Being clean is in quotations as technically I still could harm myself, just not in the places I usually do and prefer to do it. I have my yearly physical coming up and though the doctor himself hasn't seen my cuts I'm sure the nurses have when taking my blood. They've never said anything but I'm always terrified of something happening or it being added to my record so I try my best ot stay clean so there's just no evidence. It's just hard, having to picture doing all this, I complain about it a lot but mental health is always crap and the week before my appointments I'm going to be completely alone at home and I know that's going to make the urges and everything worse. I know I should take this time to try to stay clean permanently but I kind of doubt that will happen. I probably shouldn't even include that part,nic I'm not working on bettering myself why do I keep bringing it up and asking for help,,