(Me-37F) A couple of weeks ago I was on the phone with my mom(60 in September!), and I could tell that something was wrong in her voice. My mom has never been the type to tell me (or my brothers or dad) about her problems, and so I had to pry it out of her which has never been easy to do. (I’ll get more into this later.)
Finally, she broke down and started explaining to me how sad she has been. I’ve never seen my mom this sad. I can tell she is going through some sort of personal experience where she’s questioning the success of her life or something of the like. She mentioned the things that she sacrificed or did to better her family. At the same time, my dad was getting to have a job, travel and he even went back to school, AND he had a family waiting for him at home. He had it all. My mom sacrificed going to school because she believed my dad was going to law school to better our family (turns out he dropped out and was just visiting his family/friends the whole time). She revealed a lot in this conversation. She is also feeling like a failure because one of my brothers is just like my dad - a very VERY selfish man/partner/father. My mom is realizing that she kind of nurtured these behaviors in a way by never really holding them accountable. After she tells me all this she says, “I’m going to be 60 yrs old, and I sacrificed and gave my life to my family and I feel like I have nothing to show for it.”
My heart completely broke. I can see or understand why she felt that way though. My mom never ever put her feelings first. I can remember as a little girl watching my mom do EVERYTHING, and my brothers and dad were lazy and would argue so it was her and I most of the time doing everything. She was so busy doing everything for us that she rarely did anything for herself. As a woman, it kills me to see my mom go through this. It sounds like she feels used and taken advantage of and not appreciated - and she’s not wrong.
I wanted to give you some backstory about my mom because I am asking for some help. Mother’s Day is coming up and I would like to do something for her that would make her happy. Maybe something that makes her realize her life has great meaning. Or maybe something that could inspire her?
Has anyone ever gone through some of these personal feelings and if so, what kind of things helped you feel better? What has someone done for you that really made you feel better about your life?
I’m sorry this is so long. I’m not good at this, but I really love my mom and I really would love to help her.
TLDR: looking for advice on how to make my mom feel better. She feels like she has nothing to show for her life after living it for her family.
EDIT: We do not live in the same state. As much as I would love to just pick her up and go out I can’t :(
Regardless, I want this gift or gesture to be about her without consideration of anyone else, including myself. I’m really loving all of your advice 🫶🏽