I miss him so damn much today. 150 days into this. Its hard to believe i will go the rest of my life with out seeing him. ... its getting better but some days its so dang hard! He brought me flowers every 2 weeks and on mother's day he'd buy me plants to do my outside planters. Today i bought my own last week i bought me roses.
My husband passed December 29th. I work, but i lost 75% of our income when he passed. We have a nice house. I can either afford the house or everything else. I can't afford all of it. I can sell and move by my son and have a very nice life. I will leave everything and every one I know behind. I have worked for my state for 28.9 years. I can buy out the last year and a few months of service. I might already have a job.
Like most of us i feel like I have lost so much already. My future, the love of my life. 29 years of doing it all together.
I sit here in kind of shock & disbelief. When I put pen to paper I know what i need to do. But damn i don't want to. I hate giving & selling all his shit. It breaks my heart every time I do it. I hate his family, I refuse to ask for help. Life is soo damn hard.