My partner and I have been together for 8 years. In the last 2-3 years our relationship has severely deteriorated. About almost 2 years ago I broke down and cried to him about how little connection I felt between us and how it was starting to affect my feelings towards intimacy.
He is completely neglectful when it comes to connection. I try to talk to him about random things (making bids for connection) and consistently he ignores me, or doesn’t say anything or just nods or barely acknowledges whatever I’m trying to talk about. He says he doesn’t have anything to say and he’s not gonna make something up just to make conversation. But I feel like BARE MINIMUM couples TALK. I’m talking like tell me about your day, or I’ll tell him about music I’ve found or facts I learn and he cannot engage even a little bit?? He says he prefers quiet and peace. But when we aren’t talking or he’s short or uninterested in talking it makes me uneasy like we’re not on good terms. We used to talk about anything and everything.
Well when I broke down I basically said I need you to start connecting or I am going to start checking out. As of the last couple months (8-9 months) I’ve started to pull away, basically checking out. It wasn’t a threat, it was the fact that we have been living like roommates, not talking, barely acknowledging each other unless it’s to disagree. I do things like packing his lunch, the majority of the cleaning, I’m the primary parent, I do the laundry fold and putting away. I feel like up until this point I have compromised and let him have his needs met while mine go uncared for.
As of recently we have had many talks about separation and came to the agreement to try to work things out. Part of that was working on our connection. He has not made an effort towards that. I have still been sleeping next to him unlike before I’d let our child be in the middle. We agreed to try to fix things.
He says sxx is how he connects, but how can you connect through sxx with someone you can’t even have a simple conversation with? He said if it taking sxx off the table while we work on things or if I need him to have conversations with me before we have sxx then he rather we break up. He says I want him to come all the way over to my side, but all I’ve asked for is a healthy relationship where we talk and do everything else. He said he is moving out.
AIO is this even worth fighting about? I feel like it’s clear he doesn’t care about meeting my needs and only cares his are met.