I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant, and I was just woken up about an hour ago now by family calling, informing me that one of my great aunts (my grandmother's sister) suddenly passed earlier this morning. Of course it's been devastating for me, as I grew up with her always around, and it'll be greatly affecting my younger cousins (who've already had a rough upbringing, as they didn't have the best parents, have already lost their dad to suicide, and have been mostly raised by her as she got legal custody of them when they were still fairly young) who will now be taken in by my parents, but also a small part of me is slightly mad? Or annoyed? (I'm not quite sure the right emotion to pin down..) because my baby shower is supposed to be this weekend, and I don't know if that's going to be pushed back or what, as everything is still progressing. My husband is active duty, and has already been approved for us to be down there the full week up until mother's day. I know they're most likely planning to have the funeral sometime next week while we're down there, but I don't know what's happening with my baby shower.
We live 4.5 hours away, and with the baby shower now being up in the air, it's starting to stress me out, as we have almost nothing truly prepared for the baby, besides a bunch of clothes that's been donated to us by my former nanny family and my sister, and some things off the registry that were delivered to our house by my best friend. So I have no clue if my husband's going to be able to take more leave time to go down again if we have to push the baby shower back further because of all this happening now. Losing this aunt so suddenly has been gut wrenching news, but I can't shake this other emotion in the back of my mind that's trying to overtake the grief, and it's starting to make me feel so bad, because I don't want to feel angry or annoyed at this loss, I just want to be able to feel the grief and mourning like the rest of my family.
((I'm sorry if my writing is all over the place, there's just so much going on in my mind right now, and I wanted to try and give as much context as I could.))
Has anybody else experienced something similar to this during their pregnancy?? I'm just not sure how to deal with this extra emotion I don't want. It's honestly slowly making me feel like a spoiled brat, and I hate the guilt it's making me feel on top of the grief.