u/MembershipSeparate17

I think it’s funny
how you just appear in my head
like some late-night radio station
cutting through static.

No warning.
No reason.
Just a sudden
“hello, I’m here.”

And there you are again.

Sometimes it happens in silence,
sometimes while I’m driving,
sometimes while the world is loud enough
to drown out every other thought.

But not you.

I still remember watching you play that gig,
how the room seemed smaller
because all my attention
kept orbiting around you.

You looked so alive up there,
like music belonged in your hands
the same way stars belong to the night.

And me?
I was standing there smiling so hard
my cheeks started to hurt,
trying to act normal
while my heart was basically screaming.

It’s ridiculous, honestly.

How one person
can randomly cross your mind
and suddenly your whole mood softens.

Like my brain opens a door
just long enough for you to lean in and say,

“Hey.
Don’t forget about me.”

Your smile is infectious,
the kind that lingers in my mind
long after you are gone.
It catches me off guard every time,
turning my thoughts into static
and my confidence into silence.

I get nervous around you
in ways I cannot explain.
My hands forget where to rest,
my words tangle together,
and suddenly I am this shy version of myself
I barely recognize.

I used to think flirting was easy,
until you.
Now even the simplest things
feel impossible to say.
I cannot tell if my heart is racing
or if the room just gets smaller
every time you look at me.

I want to ask you to dinner.
I want to sit across from you
and learn every little thing
that makes you smile the way you do.
But fear keeps catching in my throat,
turning confidence into hesitation
before the words can ever leave my mouth.

So instead,
I stay quiet
while my heart loudly admits
everything I am too nervous to say.

There is just something about her
that turns the worst days quiet.
Like my mind forgets how to ache
for a little while
just because she exists beside me.

She smiles and suddenly
the weight on my chest loosens.
The world stops feeling so sharp.
Even my laugh sounds different
around her.

I catch myself grinning
for no reason at all,
like an idiot replaying small moments
she probably doesn’t even remember.
The way she says my name.
The way her eyes soften
when she looks at me.
The way being near her
feels like sunlight through a window
after weeks of rain.

And I don’t know how to explain it properly.
How someone can walk into your life
and make your heart feel lighter
without even trying.

But there is just something about her.
Something that makes me smile so big
it feels impossible to hide.

Since the day you said goodbye,
it feels like a wire inside me was cut clean through.
No contact.
No warmth.
No trace of the person
who once knew every corner of me.

You disconnected from me completely,
and I understand why.

I just needed you to know
that I was wrong.

Wrong for raising my voice
when you deserved gentleness.

Wrong for not supporting you
when your world felt heavy.

Wrong for shutting down
and sitting in silence
instead of communicating with you honestly.

Wrong for hearing your words
without truly understanding the pain behind them.

Wrong for not listening
when all you wanted
was to feel seen by me.

I carry those truths every day now.

Life has felt like hell lately,
the kind that changes a person from the inside out.
And therapy has been forcing me
to sit face to face
with the parts of myself I used to avoid.

It hurts.
But I am trying.

Trying to become someone
who communicates instead of disappearing emotionally.
Someone who listens before reacting.
Someone who loves without turning pain into distance.

I know apologies do not rebuild trust.
I know growth does not erase damage.
And maybe I became self-aware
only after losing the person
I should have protected better.

But even with all this silence between us,
I hope you find peace in your life.
I hope your heart feels lighter now.

And if nothing else,
I hope someday you believe me
when I say that losing you
forced me to finally understand myself.

I want you to know this

not as a warning

not as a wound

but as something steady I’ve learned to hold

I’ve been alone for almost a year now

and the silence didn’t swallow me

It softened

It shaped itself into something I could sit with

There’s no ache to reach for someone

no restless pull in my chest

searching for hands that aren’t mine

The absence isn’t empty

it’s quiet in a way that finally makes sense

I used to think connection was survival

like air, like water

something I’d suffocate without

But I’ve been breathing just fine

in rooms where it’s only me

And for the first time

when I catch my reflection

it doesn’t feel like a stranger passing through

It feels like someone who stayed

I see my shadow in the mirror now

not something to outrun

not something to hide behind someone else’s light

but something that belongs to me

There’s a strange kind of peace in this

not loud, not triumphant

just honest

I’m not waiting

I’m not searching

I’m not missing anything

I’m here

alone, yes

but not lonely

And for once in my life

that feels like enough