I cannot relax anymore.
What a weird thing to say, something so human as to relax, its as easy to fall into - relaxing - as breathing. Its in our nature.
I find myself laying down, splayed out and casual,
Only if I check in with my body, i'm tense all over.
So i'll focus. On relaxing, you know, letting the tension go, go, go
And when my attention inevitably follows, gone, gone, gone, and I remember to clue back into my body,
Tense.
Every muscle tense.
I cannot relax anymore,
But why not? i'm safe and relatively happy, I live in comfort and community, I have love and light and life.
But its the screams,
The universe is screaming,
Theres actual evil in our world,
Real horror,
Abject suffering,
It surrounds us,
Pervasive,
Endless,
Unstoppable.
The screams are so loud they're
Silent.
The screams come from all around they're
Everywhere.
I cant exist in the endless,
I cant function in the multitudes.
It persists in the silence,
It fades to white noise
Like static seeping into your brain.
I cannot relax anymore,
The silence screams and my body hears,
In rictus I hold.
And I dont sleep anymore,
Its 4am, 5am, wakeup calls from the silence
And like a figurine wound too tight,
When I tune into my body,
I find
I cannot relax anymore.